Advertiser Staff
Tomorrow, pound upon pound of chocolates and masses of roses will arrive at sweetheart’s doors, candles will be lit, special dinners served, lacy cards exchanged.
But also tomorrow, many couples will be hurting, smothering their anger, hurt, fear and guilt, feeling more apart than together, asking themselves "how did we get here, what can we do to recover the love we once had?"
It is for these couples, and for all the individuals who’ve found themselves longing for love but unsure how to nurture it when they find it, that Honolulu "relationship coach" Garry Francell and his wife, therapist Jacqueline Winter, wrote "Getting Smart About Love," (hardback, $25; paper, $18).
Francell, a disciple of John Gray of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," has long offered a relationship workshop here called the Heart Seminar.
He wrote this book on the basis of 17 years of work in relationship healing and gender reconciliation. But the book also was birthed in a tougher school, that of Francell’s own experience of divorce, the period of searching and realignment that followed, and the re-discovering of love and ongoing commitment with Winter.
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Getting Smart About Love seminar
 March 2-4, Unity Church.
$150 per person before Sunday; $175 per person after; discounts for couples and for Heart Seminar graduates. Make checks payable to Unity Church and mail to: Garry Francell, 1504 Halekoa Drive, Honolulu, HI 96821.
Information: Call Norma at 946-3291, Jackye at 735-1053 or Garry at 735-1062; or e-mail jwinter@hawaii.rr.com or gfrancell@hawaii.rr.com.
Also: Garry Francell will speak on "Getting Smart About Love" at Unity Church at the 7:30, 9 and 11 a.m. services Sunday. |
"There is a space between concept and actuality that must be filled with experience," Francell writes. "What I have to share with you is coming from my experience."
Francell keeps this book "between concept and actuality," illustrating how theoretical constructs can be used to change behavior in real life.
"Getting Smart About Love" has its roots in several ideas that might be surprising to some readers, and chief among them is the central theme, that love is something that you can "get smart" about, that it doesn’t just happen to you and then work out or not on the basis of luck.
That you can harness your mind to better understand your heart so that you don’t keep making the same mistakes in relationships, and that you can learn to communicate your feelings to your partner in less emotion-laden ways, ways he or she can better understand and accept.
The book concludes with a "do this" chapter of techniques meant to nurture a loving, "whole souled" relationship (you have to expect some "counselor-speak" in a book like this).
Some are simple: taking two minutes, before you part for any considerable length of time, to connect and communicate. Some are more tricky: asking for clarification when your partner is saying one thing but appears to be doing another.
It’s a long way from a bouquet of roses or a box of candy, but, for a couple whose relationship is in need of little growing, or singles who feel as though they’ll never be able to make love work, "Getting Smart About Love" might be a Valentine’s gift with a more lasting effect.
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