Wondering how you’ll come up with the money for the kids’ braces?
Don’t know where to find the bucks for some new tires?
Well, put it all aside for a moment and keep a box of tissue handy as we consider the plight of outfielder Gary Sheffield, a guy with real concerns.
Or, better yet, send him a check (Shekels for Sheff, c/o Los Angeles Dodgers, L.A., Calif. 90012) to see him through this time of need.
Sheffield, you see, is tired of struggling along on the mere $9.5 million a year the Los Angeles Dodgers are paying him. And he’s mad as hell he’ll only be getting $11 million a season from 2003 through 2004.
Give him a "lifetime contract extension" or trade him, Sheffield and his agent have demanded of the team. Either that, or find somebody else to labor in left field at Chavez Ravine.
The considerable bind this bombshell ultimatum puts the Dodgers in as spring training opens this week is apparently nothing compared to the indignity of scraping for chump change when you are a certified superstar. Imagine the embarrassment of making less than a couple of shortstops.
Why, it was just four years ago this month that Sheffield signed the largest contract package in baseball history, $61 million over six years, with the Florida Marlins.
Is it his fault he demanded and got a long-term deal just before baseball owners started spending money like they were printing it in their bullpens? And, really, just because he signed the contract, do they expect Sheffield to honor it?
Now every time you turn around somebody is signing a deal in the bazillions. Before you know it, Sheffield will find himself working for baseball’s minimum wage or the value of the Montreal Expos, whichever comes first.
But perish the thought Sheffield is greedy. "It isn’t about money, it is about disrespect," Sheffield maintains.
He claims this is about being tired of hearing his name pop up in trade rumors and wanting a lifetime commitment from the Dodgers, who already own his rights to age 36.
Never mind that the Dodgers have said they have no intention of trading him and only last week announced a 2001 marketing plan largely built around their slugger.
No, this isn’t about respect or lack of same. Not at this point. Instead, it is about ego.
It isn’t about what Sheffield needs to live on or even what it will take to keep future generations of his family comfortable. It has gone well beyond that already.
This is what comes from salaries having gone stratospheric and an ego getting bent out of shape about the size of other people’s paychecks.
And there’s nothing big-league about that.
