Mom's valuable in planning stage

By Traci Iwalani Surigao Browne

Traci Iwalani Surigao Brown and Ray Keoki Browne

"When are you both going to get married?" The question was asked at family functions by the aunts, uncles and cousins who were eager for us to tie the knot.

"When the time is right" or "When we are ready" were the replies that Keoki and I would use to get them off our backs, at least for that one evening.

But then we asked ourselves: What are we waiting for? Two days later, we announced our engagement.

As a bride, I carried many responsibilities and made numerous decisions. Throughout our year of planning, I gained much insight. This is dedicated to all the future brides-to-be.

• The mother of the bride is more excited than the bride at times. But while a mother's advice may seem annoying, know that she has your best interest at heart. Value a mother's opinion because a mother is right 99.9 percent of the time. You were right, Mom. Thank you.
• The father of the bride wants the least involvement possible in planning his daughter's wedding; that is what the mother of the bride is for. The father is interested in the amount of money his daughter's wedding will cost, and how much of it will come out of his pocket. Remember that a parent's monetary contribution to your wedding expense is not an obligation, but a gift. Thank you, Dad and Mom, for a much-needed and generous gift.
• Bridesmaids can be your best friends or your worst enemies. Ask for their opinions regarding their dress, makeup and hair. What style would be most flattering for them to wear? How would they prefer to wear their hair and makeup? They will work easily with you as a bride if you get them involved in making decisions. When everyone looks good, everyone will feel good. Thank you, Karen, Carrie and Shannon.
• The best man and the ushers are the greatest. They ask no questions and follow the instructions you give. As a bride, you can't ask for anything more. Thank you, Mika, Keone and Ryan.
• The ring bearer and flower girl add that special touch. Make sure they get along. You don't want children arguing as they walk down the aisle. Thank you, Ikaika and Mamo.
• Don't waste your money on books with titles that claim to tell you "how to plan the right wedding." There is no right or wrong way to plan your event. If you plan the wedding you want, then it is done the right way.
• The bridal expo is a guaranteed winner. The expo provides vendors and wedding information that will be essential. Gather all information and speak with all vendors. You just might find a potential vendor for your wedding.
• The reception, photographer, flowers, entertainment, etc., are expensive items. Choose one accessory that will be important to your event, and spend a little extra money or time on that particular choice, while still not neglecting the other vital items. Having the best of everything will be costly. Focusing on one special accessory will give you the best of what you feel is important without being costly.
• Budget wisely. Vendors require a deposit or prefer to be paid half of their fees before the wedding; this includes the reception, photographer, cake, gown, tuxedos, etc. Pay these commitments ahead of time knowing that if you do this, they will be paid off before the actual wedding date. Thank God that for us, most items were cleared of a balance before the wedding day. It softened the blow when all creditors needed to be paid at the end.

Weddings can be exciting and sometimes stressful. As a bride, enjoy the experience of planning your event. Do not be deterred by other peoples' comments and opinions. Large or small, expensive or inexpensive, all weddings are special. Be positive and happy throughout your planning, and your wedding will be a success.

Traci Iwalani Surigao Brown and Ray Keoki Browne were married April 17, 1999, at St. John Vianney Parish Church. They live in Kailua.

Send your love story, wedding story or wedding-planning advice to: For Better, For Worse, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.