Death on the freeway

By Will Hoover
Advertiser Staff Writer

Mannequin "Bob Mahoney" appears in guises ranging from white-collar salesman to Boris Karloff. Richard Ambo • The Honolulu Advertiser

They can glance to the right and peer through large glass windows directly into the office of Bob Mahoney, who's sitting behind a desk and waving a shaka. Next to Mahoney is a casket. On occasion Bob looks like Bela Lugosi's "Dracula." At other times his face transforms into Boris Karloff's "Mummy," or other classic characters from the crypt.

"You never know about Bob Mahoney," said Claus Hansen, owner of the casket company. "He changes from time to time."

Bob Mahoney actually is a mannequin that serves as the company's fictional "spokesperson and PR genius." Since Bob's office is beside the building's Affordable Casket sign, the effect of office and sign together is something akin to a giant 3-D billboard.

The effect is especially dramatic after dark. The idea is to attract attention.

Hansen began attracting attention in July 1999 by opening Hawai'i's first discount casket business. His promotional tactics were humorous and included a Pele Award-winning radio ad campaign that featured Bob Mahoney hawking the advantages of cheap coffins.

That enterprise proved so successful that Hansen eventually vacated his Nimitz Highway location, took over the old Granny Goose factory two months ago and, as of Monday, will launch Hawai'i's first discount mortuary business.

"The pricing philosophy with Moanalua Mortuary is going to be exactly the same as Affordable Caskets," he said. "We'll do the service for half price."

Hansen's pitch is pretty straight forward. If people prefer the services of a traditional mortuary, they always have that option. If they would like to consider a discount mortuary, now they'll have that option, too.

Hansen's operation offers everything the other guys do, he says, except excessive solemnity.

"I want this to look and feel as little as possible like a traditional funeral home," said Hansen, who came to Hawai'i 15 years ago from Denmark and has a degree in marketing.

Hansen says people feel badly enough about having lost a loved one without the need to perpetuate a sorrowful atmosphere inside the mortuary. Instead, Affordable Casket & Moanalua Mortuary has a setting that's bright, fashionably decorated and includes a piano that emits the sounds of Gershwin or Fats Waller.

The ivories move, but no one sits at the bench.

"That's Esther," joked Hansen. "She comes to visit us sometimes and plays the piano. We feel her spirit."

Otherwise, the business allows customers to seek their own level of seriousness without any sales pressure. The viewing room is closed and quiet. The casket showroom, thanks to Esther's contribution, has the feel of a combination coffin museum and upscale piano bar.

Hansen admits he's received complaints about Bob Mahoney's office from motorists. One woman called to say she thought the display was morbid and called the thing "early Halloween." Others contend that Bob Mahoney scares their kids.

But Cynthia Marnie of the Outdoor Circle, Hawai'i's legendary anti-billboard league, says Hansen is within the law since he has appropriate building and sign permits.

"It may be tacky and offensive, but if it's legal there's very little you can do about it, unfortunately," said Marnie. "There's no legislating taste."

Hansen says he's received just as many calls from folks who find his light-hearted discount approach refreshing.

He believes people may find his service fees refreshing as well. For example, he pulls out the price sheet for your basic one-day funeral. The list includes charges for transferring the remains, embalming, casketing, church and graveside personnel, funeral coach (nobody in this business calls it a hearse) and flower car.

The same package at a half- dozen traditional mortuaries on O'ahu runs from $2,500 to $3,800, says Hansen. His price: $1,800.

His casket charges are nothing to snicker at, either. Taking advantage of the North American Free Trade Agreement, Hansen buys from manufacturers in Mexico and Canada, and sells them for half the cost of their U.S.-made counterparts. Local mortuaries have said Hansen's caskets aren't as high quality. Hansen argues that that's like debating whether a Nissan is better than a Toyota.

And although traditional mortuaries are reluctant to discuss it, they take a dim view of Hansen's tactics. He says it's just business.

"We do not laugh at death," said Hansen, as he lifted the lid on the casket in Bob's office, revealing a series of Bob's alternate ghoulish rubber face masks. "We do not laugh at the people who go through the experience of dealing with death. What we do, in order to make people remember us, is try to make people laugh when they drive by on the street or when they hear our ads. This is nothing but promotion and marketing."

Correction: Affordable Casket & Moanalua Mortuary is on Moanalua Freeway in the old Granny Goose factory. A previous version of this story misidentified the prior business and location.