Life's got too many passwords
By Mike Leidemann
Advertiser Staff Writer
Call me Michael.
Or call me mleidema. Or lmike or mikel or even Mike241. Call me Noxos, Mykanos or Santorini. Call me 7460 or MLHL or PCAY6B2 or 3-16-53.
Go ahead, I answer to all of them. I just don't always remember which name goes with which account. You know what happens next: ACCESS DENIED. CHECK PASSWORD.
I've got passwords coming out the yin-yang. I need passwords to check my phone messages and my e-mail messages and maybe even messages from Mom. I've got e-mail accounts at home, at work and on the road. All have their own passwords.
I've got passwords to sign into the Prodigy account, my Mileage Plus account, my Otto account, my investment account (password: sucker!), my Safeway club card, my Roth IRA balance (password: dreamweaver), my Oceanic Cable account, and who knows what other cards in the bottom of my wallet.
At the newspaper alone, I have to sign into at least four different computer systems every day. None of them uses the same password.
Once, I got the bright idea to synchronize all my passwords.
I know. I know. The security guys absolutely forbid this, but really what do I have to lose? A couple of column ideas, my fantasy baseball league selections, and the $47.50 that's still left (as of the last time I could remember by password) in my retirement fund?
I settled on Noxos as my universal password. Noxos is an island in the Aegean Sea, and not a day goes by that I don't think about moving there as soon as my IRA, Social Security, pension and lottery boats come in on the same day. Noxos is my password to Easy Street, one I'm not likely to forget.
Problems started right away.
PLEASE TYPE ORIGINAL PASSWORD.
PC2BYA4.
TYPE NEW PASSWORD.
NOXOS.
ACCESS DENIED. PASSWORD MUST BE SIX LETTERS OR MORE. TYPE NEW PASSWORD.
NOXOS@65.
ACCESS DENIED. PASSWORD CAN NOT INCLUDE NUMERALS. TYPE NEW PASSWORD.
NOXOSS.
ACCESS DENIED. NOXOS IS NOT SPELLED CORRECTLY. TYPE...
The heck with it, I thought. Let's try something else.
MYKANOS.
That's a crowded, expensive international party island near Noxos not suited for anyone's retirement except jet-setting celebrities like Mick Jagger. But what the heck, it's close enough.
PASSWORD ACCEPTED. THANK YOU. YOU MAY NOW CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD.
F@4$ *&!.
Mike Leidemann's columns appear Thursdays and Saturdays in the Advertiser. He can be reached by phone (525-5460) or e-mail (mleidemann@honoluluadvertiser).
