Make your wedding work

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

With the summer wedding season creeping up, brides and grooms are scrambling to hire, confirm, create, order, plan and pay for every detail of their weddings.

Brides are asking their mothers, aunties, cousins, sisters and co-workers – literally anyone who's had a wedding – for advice about their wedding plans. But who knows better than the people who attend weddings for a living: photographers, makeup artists, caterers, musicians and such?

We talked to several insiders around town to get their insights in what makes, or breaks, a wedding. Here's what they said:

Be prepared

Everything may go beautifully. Everything may go wrong. Accept that from the beginning.

"The bride and groom should be flexible with their choices on what to do on their wedding day," said Pumehana Davis, a 33-year-old harpist, who plays at about 100-150 weddings a year. "Some people are stuck with one idea, and when they call around, they can't find what they want."

She speaks from experience. When she got married four years ago, she and her then-fiance David had hopes for a wedding ceremony at the Queen Emma Summer Palace and a posh reception at Michel's in Waikiki. But Queen Emma is available only to Daughters of Hawai'i members, and the couple couldn't quite afford Michel's. Instead, they got married at the Outrigger Canoe Club and celebrated at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel.

"It was still a beautiful day, and everything went great," Davis said.

Those who've been there say couples can avoid many problems by scheduling practice sessions with vendors and wedding participants. "More often than not, people do a practice session now," said Alison Hayashi, an 18-year veteran makeup artist who does about 28 weddings a month. "That day of the wedding, you really don't want to have to worry about it. You should just sit and relax."

"Some people don't think (rehearsals) are necessary, but it's a good idea because everybody knows where they're supposed to be," Davis said. "There's no panicking. It helps gets the ducks in a row. And it helps everyone stay on time."

It's also a good idea to share the details of your wedding with the vendors at these practice sessions or rehearsals. For example, makeup artists and hair stylists need to know exactly what the colors and styles of the wedding and bridesmaids' dresses are, what time the wedding is, whether it will be formal or informal.

"At practice sessions, I ask a lot of questions," Alison Hayashi said. "I look at all of that – style of dresses, time, flowers – and from there, we can decide. We work it out. They have to comfortable with what I've done and what they see. Half of that is for them to feel beautiful."

Get coordinated

One of the first things Sheraton Waikiki catering services manager Lee Ann Ichimura tells her clients is tomake sure they have a wedding coordinator – professional or not.

"(The couple) shouldn't be the one to have to deal with the details that day," Ichimura said. "They should be enjoying their day."

She recommends the point person be someone who knows the couple really well, is reliable and able to juggle the task of keeping track of schedules with a clear vision of what the bride and groom want – and not a member of the wedding party or immediate family.

Alan Kinuhata, service manager in convention and catering at the Sheraton Waikiki, recalled a wedding he emceed. The couple didn't have a wedding coordinator, so they assigned the job to him.

"It was tough," said Kinuhata, who did triple-duty, since he also worked that day. Not only did he have to keep track of where everyone was at all times – while serving as emcee – but he even had to rush to a nearby bridal store to buy a pillow for the ring bearer, something the couple had forgotten.

Be realistic

Most experts recommend couples prepare an itinerary that's flexible yet detailed. But overstructuring and micromanaging the wedding doesn't leave room for mishaps or mistakes ... or beautiful accidents.

Write up an itinerary that shows what ought to be happening every 15 to 30 minutes during the day. "I've had the extreme where they had something down for every five minutes," Davis said. "That's too many details. You can't do that."

Pass the itinerary out to everyone involved, from wedding party members to the hotel valet.

Be on time

Vendors can't stress this enough: Timing is critical.

Each setback, from a groom who oversleeps to a bride searching for last-minute accessories, pushes every appointment back, and that can cost money, said Garrett Nose, a wedding photographer for the past 25 years.

There's a Catch-22 in this. You need to be aware of time because you have to expect that everything and everyone won't be on time. In other words, schedule in some slack for unavoidable disasters.

Davis recalled a wedding where the bridal party didn't make it to the ceremony on time because the limo broke down. Nose remembered an outdoor ceremony that fell victim to rain.

Couples should be both psychologically and practically prepared for this sort of thing. Weddings are complex, one-of-a-kind events that are particularly subject to little glitches, said Nose. "There's no such thing as a perfect wedding – one that runs to the letter and second. It just doesn't happen. First, understand that, and secondly, because those things happen, it's OK. Why let that ruin your wedding?"

That means, for example, having a rain fallback plan if it's raining before the wedding starts, but laughing and going with the flow if it starts to rain during the wedding.

Remember the little things

Sometimes it's the tiny, thoughtful details that make the wedding memorable.

Nose vividly recalled a wedding he shot in February: The bride, inspired by Neiman Marcus' trademark butterfly decorations, hung thousands of wire-and-cloth butterflies throughout the ballroom at the Radisson Waikiki Prince Kuhio.

"It was fantastic, incredible," Nose said. "We've seen really elegant, really beautifully decorated receptions and weddings. But this one was one of those things you see just once every 10 to 15 years."

But memorable doesn't have to be expensive. Keeping to a theme does the trick.

One Mainland couple worked with an "Under the Sea" theme, with seashell and starfish decorations. Another couple, married at the Marriott 'Ihilani Resort & Spa at Ko Olina, went with a golf theme. The centerpieces were mini greens with golf balls, flags and holes; the couple even took wedding pictures swinging golf clubs.

Enjoy the day

Alison Hayashi has seen it happen before: The couple gets so caught up in the actual wedding, they forget about why they're doing this in the first place.

"The main thing is not to focus on the fact that all these things have to be done, but to focus on the person you're marrying," Alison Hayashi said.

Those who work weddings know: They've seen so many weddings and heard so many vows that they can tell if the couple is really present and enjoying each other and their day.

"What they do when no one's watching, except us," said wedding photographer Paul Hayashi. "How they talk to each other. You can tell."

"It's so different. There's a calm, relaxed feeling," Alison Hayashi said. "This one couple, I'll remember forever. I saw them standing in the archway and it was the first time the groom saw the bride all dressed up. They just looked at each other. They were embracing each other by the way they were looking at each other. I started crying. It's just the feeling of calm that makes the wedding run so smoothly. It's magical, one of those dream weddings."

Some memorable weddings

Here are some ideas of what other couples have done that made the experts' lists of memorable weddings:

• At one reception, the bachelors had to putt to win the garter belt.
• One couple used leis to decorate the wedding arch at the reception. When it was over, they handed out the leis to their guests.
• At one very elaborate reception (with about 1,500 guests), the four head tables of immediate family members were scattered throughout the ballroom so the guests didn't feel left out.
• At a wedding at the Halekulani, the guests rang silver bells, instead of throwing rice or rose petals, as the newly married couple walked down the aisle.

Details you probably haven't thought of

Experts can't promise perfection, but they can offer advice on ways to make your wedding day run a little smoother:

• Keep hydrated: When brides don't drink enough water, their skin looks dehydrated. "The skin isn't as dewy and plump," said makeup artist Alison Hayashi. "Brides should be drinking a lot of water that week before."
• Get a room in or near the wedding: If you're having your reception at a hotel, many coordinators suggest booking a room for the night before the wedding, not just the night after. That way the bridal party doesn't have to rush to the ceremony and hotel, risking leaving something at home. And most hair stylists and makeup artists will come to the hotel room to work their wonders. "Brides like to get ready in the suites," said Lee Ann Ichimura, catering sales manager at Sheraton Waikiki. "The less travel time, the better."
• Take a moment: It's important to schedule quiet, alone time the week before, even the day of the wedding. "Make sure you have time (in the itinerary) for the bridal party to relax," Ichimura said. "Make sure to have time for yourself. Really, it is a very special day, and you want to be able to enjoy that day."
• Get recommendations: Check with vendors on who to recommend. Some even have recommendation lists. "Photographers know a lot of things," said longtime wedding photographer Paul Hayashi. "We know who has track records of being late, we know who the better musicians are, where the better tuxedo places are, who does the best hair and makeup."
• Know your vendors: For Ichimura, personally knowing her photographer, stylist and makeup artist was important. "Put that special day in the hands of people you're comfortable with" was her advice. Look for vendors who are highly reputable, do good work and are fun to spend time with. A nice touch is to set aside a table for the vendors who need to attend your wedding, such as photographers and musicians. "Some don't feed us," Paul Hayashi said. "Not everybody remembers."
• Avoid bubbles: Some couples like the touch of guests blowing bubbles as they exit the church after the ceremony. "But it can be messy," said harpist Pumehana Davis. "The bubbles can tarnish the harp and flute. And bubbles on grass, especially with rose petals, can be slippery."
• Limit (or avoid) alcohol: Alcohol is commonplace at weddings, but couples and/or wedding planners need to anticipate and prepare for overindulgence. Delegate someone to act as a designated driver, or to order a cab for anyone who overindulges. "I haven't seen it get out of hand, but I've seen the potential now and then," Paul Hayashi said.
• Have fun: Who knows what will happen at the wedding? Keep a good attitude and have fun. "The bride from heaven is the one who enjoys her wedding, understands that time is important to everyone and doesn't let the little things bother her," Nose said. "I love those brides. And we get a lot of them."