Lifting lid on potty-training secrets

By Zenaida Serrano Espanol
Advertiser Staff Writer

Chocolate treats, like M&M's, can be used as a toilet-training incentive or reward. Deborah Booker • The Honolulu Advertiser

For some parents, the potty-training process can be an overwhelming and difficult job – from dealing with a child's adamant refusal to learn to the pressures of societal expectations – and the experience can sometimes be a nightmare.

While some parents hope their kids can make the jump from diapers quickly, research shows that the average time to complete training is about eight months from the time a child begins to show signs of interest or readiness to the time when the number of toilet training accidents decreases distinctly, although this training period can vary, experts say.

But pediatricians say that it is important for parents to remain patient and to keep from becoming frustrated.

Experts also say that there is no set time that parents should begin potty training their children.

"It varies because children have their own developmental time table," said Dr. David Cha, pediatrician at St. Francis Medical Center-West. "But usually, the average is between 18 months and 24 months."

In an effort to make the potty-training process a bit easier for parents, we asked our readers to write to the 'Ohana section and share what worked for their children. Experts and readers also offered some tips and tricks to help both parents and children tackle the task.

Power of imitation

When parents are ready to potty train their children, Cha suggests that they let their children spend time with other children who are trained, such as an older sibling, and to let them watch the other children use the toilet or potty chair.

"This is capitalizing on the concept of, 'Imitation is a powerful motivator,'" Cha said.

Alison Yasuoka of Manoa, mother of two sons, also suggests imitation.

"I let my children follow me around everywhere, including the restroom," Yasuoka wrote in a letter, "So they learned how grown-ups used the restroom as soon as they could walk. Naturally, they look up to you and want to be like you."

Yasuoka said that her oldest son Matthew, 8, had her as a role model, while her youngest son Christian, now 2, had both her and Matthew as role models.

"This makes it easier because children always prefer other children as role models," she said. "They think other kids are cooler than mom and dad."

Sue Soriano of Waikiki suggests imitation of a different kind.

"Get a cheap doll that drinks and wets, and you're on your way," she said. "Have baby feed the dolly and then show him or her that the dolly can go to the bathroom on the toilet like big people do. Baby gets the idea to go to the bathroom on the toilet, and the next thing you know, baby's going on the toilet also."

While this may not work for all children, Soriano said that both of her sons, now 26 and 23 years old, were trained this way by the time they were 2 years old.

Make it fun

"Don't act over-concerned," Cha said. He said parents should appear casual and relaxed during the training process because a child may pick up on his or her parent's attitude and may become anxious.

"Keep a sense of humor," he said, "keep the process fun and upbeat." Sami Kaneshiro of Moanalua, for example, tried to make potty training an enjoyable process. Kaneshiro, who has potty trained several children, is the mother of five grown children, has two grandchildren and was a former toddler-daycare provider for six years.

"As a game, I put for the males, because they can see what they are doing, Cheerios or floatable rings of cereal in the toilet and told (them) to aim and shoot," Kaneshiro said.

Kaneshiro was able to potty train her children by the time they were 19 months old, and she said the process took only about two to three weeks for each of them.

"Bribery worked best," Kaneshiro said with a laugh. She used treats such as M&M's and Skittles as incentives.

Cha also encourages the use of incentives and rewards, which can include chocolate treats, jelly beans, video time and even praise, smiles and hugs from everyone in the family.

"I try to avoid food treats," said Dr. Melinda Ashton, a pediatrician at Kapi'olani. "A lot of times kids will happily sit for a brief period while their parent reads them a short story. Having that one-on-one attention is very valuable to kids."

Cha said that parents can also keep the training process fun for children by using a calendar and marking the days with stars or other types of stickers when their children use the potty.

Other dos and don'ts

• When your child is still in diapers, do change him or her frequently, and don't spare diapers.

"You don't want your child to get used to poopy or messy diapers," Cha said. "They can get really comfortable and get used to it."

• Do take readiness cues from your child. Cha said parents should look for signs that their children may be ready to be potty trained. Such signs include a desire to imitate the toilet functions of his or her parents, older siblings or peers; preference for clean, dry diapers; and a desire to have diapers changed.

• Don't get the idea that you're going to be able to control exactly when and how quickly the potty training will happen.

"If you decide to take charge, you're going to be in trouble," Ashton said.

• Don't use any type of force or pressure. Cha said that parents shouldn't start training their children if they are in a stubborn or negative phase.

"You need to back off when that happens because if you push too hard, it will get even harder."

Cha also said that parents shouldn't force their children to sit on the potty chair or keep them sitting there against their will.

• Don't punish your child for occasional accidents, which Cha said may happen for about a month. Cha added that when accidents happen, parents should teach their children to wipe up their own mess, not as a punishment, but to encourage their sense of responsibility and the importance of taking care of their bodies.

"While this is all happening, it's also a good idea to make sure the child washes his (or her) hands," Cha said.

• Don't flush the toilet while your child is sitting on it.

"It may scare him (or her)," said Cha, who suggests parents explain to their children how the toilet works.

Camille Domaloan Michel of Kahala, mother of three young children, said parents should warn their kids about automatic flushing toilets, or avoid them altogether.

"Small kid-size 'okole plus big toilet bowl already equals a fair amount of trepidation," Michel wrote in a letter. "Add to that a sudden 'WHOOSH' and you've got sheer terror. I have had kids leap into my arms 'mid-shishi' for fear of being sucked down into the whirling water. Not pretty."