Braddah tells it like it is on Harris move

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Staff Writer

So Jeremy Harris is running for governor.

Somebody gotta' say something (no, not you, Mufi).

Where's that guy when you need him? That guy. You know the one. He's at every sporting event you've ever attended, from Little League games to UH vs. BYU.

He's always sitting somewhere behind you, and if you're in the cheap seats, he's in the cheaper seats. He's got huge beverage cups in both hands and you're sure he isn't drinking Hi-C Grape. He has a voice that could shatter asphalt, a real pack-a-day-for-30-years growl. And volume — folks clear on the other side of Aloha Stadium can hear his asides.

But he's not just loud, he's deadly on-target. Braddah is usually the only one yelling out the things the whole Hawai'i crowd is thinking but is just too polite to say above a whisper to the person in the next seat.

Get him cranked up and it's a real party: "Ho, Coach! Whatchoo doing? I don't know what for you stay wearing the ninety-dolla designer sponsor aloha shirt when your team no mo notting wins on top their backs. Why you no go practice instead of going shopping?!"

Half the time, you can't believe what came out of his mouth. But deep down, maybe you secretly agree.

Where's that guy when you need him?

I can almost hear him, not sitting in the rafters of the Stan Sheriff, but in the bleachers of the political arena. He's got his super-size mystery beverage firmly in one hand and a big rant taking shape on his face.

"Ho! Braddah Jeremy! Just couple months ago you was running for mayor, now you like run for governor. Whassup wid dat?! Not like we neva' all know you was saying you neva' know if you was going run but inside you knew you was going run. But kinda fast, eh? Still get leftovers from your victory night party in my fridge, and the buggaz still yet good!"

I imagine him taking a big gulp from his Big Gulp and cutting loose with another rip:

"You got the job till 2004, but you saying you going finish everything you wanted by next summer — what is that, uku pau?! And you trying to say the timing has nothing to do with the teachers' strike but your main concern is education. Ho, Jeremy, not too obvious, you no tink? We voted you in, brah, but dat don't mean we stupid."

Braddah in the stands may not buss' out the words like "opportunist" and "positioning" but he'd still get his message across.

Politics is a rough sport. Playing is hard, but watching from the sidelines is sometimes even harder.

Right now, there's so little to cheer about. Braddah might even lose his voice.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Her e-mail address is lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com