Domestic violence affects all

By Rev. Al Miles

He was a huge man whose thick, white beard partially hid his pleasant smile. He walked toward me carrying my book, "Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know," underneath his arm.

"Would you please?" he asked, as he placed the book on the table where I was seated at a clergy conference in Long Beach, Calif.

"To whom should I make my remarks?" I asked. He said it would be great if I addressed the entire ministerial team of the parish where he served as senior pastor. He was going to make my book required reading for them.

"How is the team currently dealing with victims and perpetrators?" I asked.

The pastor said his congregation had neither victims nor perpetrators. "Out there, in the secular world, domestic abuse is a major problem. But, thanks be to God, this is not the case among believers."

Since my book was published a year ago, I have worked with religious leaders across the world from many faiths. Each condemns domestic violence. They call it criminal, deplorable, sinful.

Yet, most view domestic violence as a problem for people "out there." Not among the people in their church, Kingdom Hall, mosque, synagogue or temple.

Consider a few of the hundreds of letters I've received:

• Catholic priest in New York: "Domestic violence is not taught at my parish. Therefore, it isn't a problem here."
• Buddhist priest in California: "I don't think Buddhists have the same problems with domestic violence that other religious groups have."
• Male pastor in Hawai'i: "Since no woman has ever complained about being abused by her husband or boyfriend, in all my many years of service, I can say, with reasonable certainty, that there has never been a case of domestic violence in churches where I've served."

Too many religious leaders embrace the "out there" viewpoint, denying an ugly truth: one of every three or four women in this country alone is abused by an intimate or former intimate partner.

Victims and their abusers are "in here." They are Buddhists, Catholics, Protestants, Jehovah's Witnesses, Jews, Mormons, Muslims and from a variety of other groups. Victims from all these groups have shared their stories of abuse with me.

In my trainings, I ask all attendees to think of victims and perpetrators of domestic violence not as people somewhere "out there," but as our daughters and sons, brothers and sisters, beloved friends or next-door neighbors. In reality, that's who they are.

The Rev. Al Miles works for Pacific Health Ministry as coordinator of the Hospital Ministry Department at the Queen's Medical Center. His next book, "Domestic Violence: What Every Christian Needs to Know," will be published in 2002.

Expressions of Faith is a column of contributions from leaders of faith organizations. E-mail faith@honoluluadvertiser.com or call 525-8036.