Safe sleepovers start with sound planning

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

Dr. Shigeko Lau knows a thing or two about slumber parties. With two daughters, now grown, she has hosted her share of them, such as this one in 1988, with Erin Furukawa (left) and daughter Rhiana Lau. Dr. Shigeko Lau photo

And nearly every parent will experience this. According to Penny Warner, author of "Slumber Parties: 25 Fun-Filled Party Themes" (Meadowbrook Press, $8), 97 percent of American kids have been to a slumber party at least once.

"Parents have lots of concerns," said Dr. Shigeko Lau, a pediatrician at Straub Clinic & Hospital and mother of two girls, who are experienced slumber party guests and hosts.

Worries abound: Is my child too young? Will she be safe? And if you're the hosting parent, you wonder: How can I keep them busy?

But, experts agree, with careful planning and some creativity, it can actually turn out to be a relatively stress-free 24 hours.

No party is ever perfect, but here are some ways to ensure your child's next slumber party, whether as a host or guest, is safe and fun.

If you're serving as host

• Think it through: Plan safe and fun activities for the kids, such as beading or watching videos. Some experts recommend sleepovers for children at least 8 years old. If this is your child's first sleepover, you may want to start small, with one to three guests for just one night.
• Weigh pros and cons of going co-ed: The issue may come up, especially if the child has friends of the opposite sex.

"Most younger children prefer single-sex parties because of the type of parties, activities and conversations they have," said Dr. Valerie Besenbuch, a pediatrician at Kaiser Permanente's Moanalua Clinic and mother of two.

But older kids and teens with friends of the opposite sex may want them to sleep over, a continuation of a co-ed party or outing. While this may horrify parents, co-ed sleepovers that are controlled and monitored aren't always a recipe for destruction. Girls can sleep in a bedroom, with the boys outside in a tent, for example.

"Parents have to keep close track on them," Besenbuch said. "This has to be something an individual parent has to feel is correct for them. And feel free to say no, even if a child begs for it."

• Set ground rules: And enforce them. "Children should know at the outset what is allowed," Besenbuch said. Set up rules regarding TV and computer usage, respect for others and a reasonable noise level, especially at night. Aggressive and destructive behavior shouldn't be tolerated. "You don't want to be too strict," Lau said, "but you at least want them to know they can't go and make a mess of the place."
• Know medical conditions: Find out if each child has an illness, allergy and/or dietary restriction or need. Make sure the child brings the correct dosage of medication, if needed. Know if any child sleepwalks, and be prepared to stay up at night to monitor that. And some children may still urinate at night. "This is not a psychological disorder but a developmental stage," Besenbuch said. The situation can be handled with overnight disposable briefs.
• Get emergency names and numbers: Make sure each guest comes with a list of names and numbers to call, from parents to physicians, in the event of an emergency.
• Limit telephone use: Gabbing on the phone is a solo activity; you don't want the others to feel left out. Parents should set ground rules about using the phone (or personal cell phones) during the sleepover.
• Let your neighbors know: You should give your neighbors a heads-up that your house will be crawling with kids. That way they'll know what's going on — especially when they hear giggling in the middle of the night — and they can keep an eye out for the kids as well.
• Skip the caffeine: It's a good idea not to offer any caffeinated drinks during the party. "That is, if you want any sleep to happen at all," Besenbuch said. Healthier alternatives include fruit juice and lemonade.
• Invite chaperones: Some sleepovers begin as larger parties with more guests. Host parents, busy juggling responsibilities, should consider inviting the other parents as chaperones.
• Have extras: Oh, someone always forgets something. Host parents should have extra toothbrushes and other items around.
• B.Y.O.T.: Bring Your Own Towels. "Unless you want a whole mess of stuff in your bathroom, suggest the kids bring their own towels," Lau said.
• Keep a low night light on: This is a new environment for the guests, some who may be afraid of the dark. And in case someone gets up in the middle of the night, searching for the bathroom, they'll be safer wandering around with a light on.
• Expect to mediate: Not all kids get along, and spending a lot of time with each other may spark arguments and disagreements. "You just gotta be ready to mediate or distract them," Lau said.
• Prepare simple menus: Host parents shouldn't be slaving in the kitchen when kids are running loose in their home. "It's more important to have a close watch on the kids than laboring over dinner," Lau said. "It's OK to have them eat stuff they don't normally eat every day." Suggestions? Pizza (can be made or ordered in advance) and spaghetti (can be made ahead of time) are good options. For breakfast, make French toast or splurge on fast food.
• Never leave them alone: Check up on the kids regularly, no matter what. But you don't have to make it obvious. And never, ever leave the kids at home alone.

If your child is a guest

• Visit the home with the child: This helps ease the first-timer into a strange, new environment. And a visit could ease the minds of parents, who may be worried about leaving their precious package with someone else overnight. Either set up a time with the host family to visit, or walk through the home when you drop off your child.
• Know the activities: Videos are always a sure-bet sleepover activity, but parents should know what kinds of movies their children will be watching. "Make sure it's appropriate," Lau said. "Not all parents agree on what movies are appropriate." And the more the host parents are receptive to your concerns, the more likely they'll change movies, she added. If not, pick up your child before the video marathon begins.
• Check the guest list: Know who will be attending the sleepover. Make sure the other guests are familiar to you and your child. And knowing how compatible they are is important as well. "You want to be careful to avoid problems," Lau said.
• Be available: Your child may get sick or change his or her mind about sleeping over. Give the host parents phone numbers they can call to reach you (or another trusted family member) in case of an emergency.
• Clear the next day's schedule: Sleepovers don't mean the kids actually sleep. So make sure your child's schedule the next day is fairly open for him or her to get some shut-eye before heading back to school.