Expressions of Faith
Real-life challenges rites of life
By Chris Eng
Special to The Advertiser
From birth to death, rites of passage help us move from one stage of our journey of life to the next. Faith traditions offer meaningful rituals that bring comfort during a time of grief.
The problem today is that people have changed, but rituals remain the same. Today, it is common for any one family to have members who share two or more faith traditions. In Hawai'i, it is an ongoing experiment that engages our imagination when the time comes to plan for a funeral, memorial or burial service.
When I first began as a pastor in ministry, everything was black and white. Christians had Christian services, and Buddhists and Taoists had their own rituals.
Today, my experience includes officiating in a variety of situations. There is the person who was raised in a Buddhist family but, upon death, the family requested a Christian service. There is the Christian who was raised in a Taoist family, and the family has arranged to have both a Taoist priest and myself, a Christian minister, officiate at services for the deceased. And there has been a person who was a Christian and converted to Buddhism. The family asked me to share at the service, a Buddhist one.
Is there any right or wrong way to do these services?
From a Western perspective, a person typically follows one faith. To some, this can be understood as either/or (as in, either you are Christian or you are not a Christian).
But living in the center of the Pacific, the Eastern perspective is more likely to be both/and. Yes, many believe they are Buddhist, Taoist and Confucian all at the same time, without any conflict. To this one can add the differences within Christianity (Catholicism, Protestant denominations and sects).
When there is a death in the family, one person typically handles the arrangements for the final services. The wishes of the deceased may be respected but sometimes are difficult to carry out. While there is a need to respect the deceased's personal wishes, family members may want different kinds of services.
In some ways, the death of a loved one offers an opportunity to learn about other expressions of faith.
Does it really matter what kind of service is done?
Yes! Each faith tradition uses words that convey specific meanings.
Let me suggest that family members come together to plan separate religious rites or possibly one "inter-faith" service that expresses what those in the family can identify with.
This takes an open mind. Religion and faith traditions were made for human beings, not the other way around. People will seek after that which helps them deal with the many changes that death brings upon their family.
I have found that being open to other faith traditions reflects my belief in a God who is also open to all of us.
The Rev. Chris Eng is pastor of the Waipahu United Church of Christ.
Expressions of Faith is a column written by pastors, lay workers and other leaders of faith. To contribute, e-mail faith@honoluluadvertiser .com or call 525-8036.
