Forget missiles, target the big waves

By Mike Leidemann
Advertiser Columnist

All this George W. Bush talk about developing a missile defense system is getting me excited. If the president is right about this, the world's going to be a much better place. If this nation can really develop the means to shoot down a refrigerator-sized nuclear weapon hurtling through space at supersonic speeds, there is no end to the possibilities that technology can offer us in the future.

I used to be satisfied with old cutting-edge technology. I used to think VCRs, CDs, MP-3s, BVDs and DVDs were really cool.

Once, I lost a whole week of my life playing a computer game that allows me to be roller coaster engineer and amusement park owner. I'm still amazed by how fast a potato bakes in a microwave.

All of those things are, well, small potatoes in the face of what missile-defense technology offers our daily lives.

In the same way that the man-on-the-moon race gave us Tang and Power Bars, and the Stealth bomber gave us titanium golf balls, there's just no telling what can come of this missile-defense system.

We can only sit back, urge the government to spend billions and wait for the day-to-day improvements to roll in.

Surely, once the don't-call-it-Star-Wars anti-missile network is in place and eliminates the need for that old MAD policy — mutual assured destruction — our best scientific minds are going to be freed up to turn their attention to the real threats to national comfort and security in this country.

Many of these are bound to affect us directly in Hawai'i.

Here's a sampling of what we can expect in the way of early-warning personal technology in the near future:

• A tiny chip inside your television will intercept and mute in advance those personal comments and asides Joe Moore inserts into the middle of the news.

• A remote sensor at each Hawai'i beach will allow you to compare actual wave heights with those being lied about on early-morning drive-time FM radio shows. They say it's 1-2 feet at Makaha; you know it's really cranking.

• New technology will not only let you screen all calls from telemarketers and telephone solicitors, but actually deflect them to your boss's home number between 5 and 7 o'clock, p.m. and a.m.

• Kids will have laser-guided electronic slingshots for fun in the park and computer-controlled wet towels for better horseplay in the school shower. Available, starting at $129, from Sharper Image.

• A pocket alarm will sound every time you approach a $3.95-a-pound red pepper in supermarkets.

• Electronic eyes will allow you to spot old girlfriends, wives and high school geek-mates at 600 yards, offering the chance for escape.

• At long last, people will actually be able to find a needle in a haystack thanks to significant new advances in those hand-held GPS devices.

Mike Leidemann's columns run Thursdays and Saturdays in The Advertiser. Reach him at mleidemann@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-5460.