For Better, For Worse
Couple doesn't let absence take away from their love
By Vernyce Dannells
Since I work for a large business on O'ahu and my husband designs and makes jewelry at home on Maui, it is often three to five weeks at a time before we're able to fly between islands and see each other. My mate and I have learned that despite the axiom, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Here's what does:
Kip Krieger and Vernyce Dannells have been married for 15 years.
- We try to respond tenderly to each other at all times, and maintain confidence in each other's feelings and pledges.
- Every anniversary, we visit Maui's Kepaniwai Gardens in the early morning to read the Baha'i writings from our simple wedding day in August 1986, recall the events and remember those (alive and not) who shared our commitment and affected our lives.
- We use code words for when the other is "out of sorts," asking whether the other is hungry, thirsty or tired rather than sniping about the behavior.
- Because I work at a big corporation and Kip works from home, he has an 800 number for customers and my calls, which I can make without guilt!
- Early on, we agreed not to give "make up" (between us, I use a much saltier word) presents.æGestures made to cover prior lapses don't erase the original offense. It may sound harsh, but by knowing that old wounds tend to scar irrevocably, we earnestly try to avoid injury entirely. Outright apologies are swiftly offered, and we try to resolve disagreements decisively.
- We have a "cupid" from my workplace, David, who lives in Upcountry Maui and commutes to Honolulu daily. Sometimes Kip arranges to meet David before his early interisland flight and sends a special care package over — food, handmade jewelry, flowers or a note. Kip usually packs David a present for his services, too.
- We are aware that the support of our friends buttresses our partnership, and we try to remember days and events special to their lives as well.
When we are together, it's rare that a hand to hold isn't sought, some small gesture isn't made or a glance doesn't convey to the other how much love, attention, pride and concern we have for our bond, our community, co-workers, family and friends. There can be little else wrong in the world when you set those things right!
Vernyce Dannells and Kip Krieger were married Aug. 3,1986, in 'Iao Valley's Kepaniwai Heritage Gardens.
Do you have a great love story? What are your best stories or advice on marriage and making the magic last? Do you have a story from your wedding or wedding-planning advice? Send your letter of 500-750 words with your city and phone number to: For Better, For Worse, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170. Sending a photo is optional.
