Little shop of horseplay

By Will Hoover
Advertiser Staff Writer

Michael Clark, above, Wacky Willy's Hawai'i store manager, shows off items that display the spirit of the business, such as a hot plate with the company's logo, and a Teddy Ruxpin doll. Photos by Jeff Widener • The Honolulu Advertiser Wacky Willy's Variety Stores 9 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., Monday-Saturday (closed Sunday) 870 Kawaiaha'o St. in Kaka'ako 593-9262

Always a good idea to double check the list first:

Let's see ... pig nose, check; chef's hat, check; Saudi Arabian land mine tape, check; official flag of Guam, check; Teddy Ruxpin bear, check; pulmonary resuscitator, check; fire hose, check; hazardous waste gloves, check.

Yep, everything seems to be in order.

If there's anything out of order in the above scenario, it's probably the word "serious." Certainly all the list items can be found at Wacky Willy's.

"In addition to pig noses, we also have these," assistant manager Matt Webb informed a customer as he reached into a box filled with long rubber facial attachments that looked less like noses than they did cloven hooves.

"Guess the animal and win a free salt lick," said Webb, 25. Before moving on to other items, Webb concluded that the objects might be anteater noses.

"We've got a medical laser here for $75 — removes tattoos, freckles and sun spots. We carry military tank prisms for $7.50, canvas money bags at three for a dollar, 10-power jeweler's loupes for $2.50, and these things, " said Webb, pointing to a box filled with clear, polished, high-quality thermoplastic gizmos that resembled a cross between 1956 Chevy gearshift knobs and whiskey jiggers from some Star Wars cantina.

"I frankly don't know what these are. Sometimes we have to let our customers tell us what these things are. There's a lot of things we don't know what they are."

Wacky Willy's Variety Stores began in Oregon 22 years ago as the brainstorm of entrepreneur Tom Tompkins. After establishing two successful stores in Portland, Tompkins recently decided to branch out to Hawai'i because there wasn't anything here quite like it. The store here opened in May.

His card reads, "We buy and sell any type of merchandise, parts or finished." His logo mascot looks like a cross-eyed Donald Duck.

But his business concept is not so wacky. Tompkins provides an outlet for hundreds of companies in North America that inevitably end up with excess inventory cluttering up their warehouses.

Tompkins, 56, takes virtually anything off their hands — motors, fans, nautical equipment, switches, toys, medical devices, auto parts, electronic components, comic books, whizbangs, you name it — gives them a retail home and sells them cheap.

The Hawai'i store manager, Michael Clark, says when people think surplus, they tend to think "used" and "military." Wacky Willy's is mostly neither (although it does carry some military surplus and some used items).

Wacky Willy's inventory consists of excess merchandise from other businesses, ranging from pig noses to decades-old Black Flag sprayers

"There's really no way to describe this place because the inventory is so varied," said Clark, 30. "We have a whole warehouse full of pig noses."

Store ads only say the store at 870 Kawaiaha'o, between Ward and Cooke, sells "knick-knacks" and "paddywacks" at affordably low prices.

Webb considers Wacky Willy's a sort of "surplus of everything store." Clark thinks of it as an overgrown hobby shop. Tompkins sees it as a cool hangout for men whose wives are at Ala Moana Center.

"Trouble with that is we have lots of women who love this place," Clark said.

Clark freely admits, though, that some people are uncomfortable with the concept. There's not much middle ground on opinions.

"People either love it or hate it," he said.

Shoppers who need to know what kind of store they're patronizing tend to find Wacky Willy's disconcerting — especially when they encounter weird, hand-drawn, smarty-pants display signs identifying "Amber Love Potion Bottles" and "Pet Roach Keepers."

But computer consultant Mike Salmons, of Mo'ili'ili, went crazy for Wacky Willy's.

"I'm stoked," he said. "I came in for the first time yesterday. I'll be back a lot. I've never seen anyplace like it. I don't know how I lived before I bought a dental pick."

That could be why the $2 dental pick is the No. 1 selling item at Wacky Willy's. People use them for everything from carving corks to cleaning guns to, yes, even cleaning teeth, said Clark, who added, "a veterinarian bought some to use on dog fangs."

Cinematographer Bob Johnson of 'Aina Haina also was wowed by Wacky Willy's.

"I'm in the film business, mostly commercials," Johnson said. "So, we're always looking for wacky stuff. This is starting to look like the mother lode."

"The ones who love this place don't look at these things as what they are, but what they could be," Clark said. "We capture the novelty crowd. Creative types really like this place. Boat people, Waikiki street performers, artists, school teachers, handymen and tinkerers love it here."

Webb added that some folks with an engineering background thrill to the store's stock of electrical diodes, transistors and capacitors. "We have all kinds of pneumatic cylinders and motors. You can build a robot here."

Some deals border on the incredible. There's the set of six CDs that contain 5,000 noises — burping beer guzzlers, flushing toilets and exploding buildings. The professional sound-effects library was made for radio stations before the company that produced them went kaput. The library originally sold for $1,795, Tompkins says.

Wacky Willy's price: $7.50 a set.

Tompkins claims that he hasn't had time to bring the truly bizarre goodies to Hawai'i. "If you think it's fun now," he said, "you aren't going to believe the wacky stuff we'll be getting in the coming weeks and months."

Reach Will Hoover at whoover@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8038.

CORRECTION: The phone number for Wacky Willy’s in Kaka‘ako is 593-9262. A reporter provided a wrong number that appeared in an earlier version of this story.