Lucky trinkets in wallet hold key to turning dearth into worth

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

My wallet weighs, like, 10 pounds. No joke.

It's stuffed with every good-luck money-attracting trinket I could think of: every tiny froggy, kitty, horsey charm from Lida's and Longs I could shove in there, a couple of laminated pictures of saints and a gold medal my friend won in a canoe regatta.

All to keep money from leaving my wallet. All to attract money into my purse.

But none of it is working.

I got the little golden cats, maneki neko. Two of them. One with its right paw up, the other with its left. One is supposed to bring good fortune to business; one is supposed to attract personal wealth.

My kitties are too busy batting around pennies to pay attention to the serious green stuff. Loose change, I got. No mo' kala. Maybe I need bigger cats.

Then there's the frog, kaeru. I used to have a tiny, lumpy ceramic green one that looked like an errant Chiclet that got loose in my bag. I lost that one. Probably gave it to a fidgeting child to chew. Now, my kaeru is gold-colored and flat, like it got run over by a DOT road-striping truck.

The frog is on a little card in a plastic envelope with Japanese writing I can't read. I trust it says stuff about good luck and prosperity. I should have asked at the store. It probably says "This is not a Chiclet. Do not feed to small children."

Laminated Saint Joseph is up with the credit cards. His serene face peers out over my wounded Visa and expired American Express.

The prayer on the back asks for protection. The instructions say, "Whoever shall read this prayer or hear it or keep it about themselves shall never die a sudden death or be drowned or shall poison take effect on them."

Guess Saint Joseph doesn't protect against impulse buying and interest compounded daily. Is there a Saint Savelot the Thrifty?

Saint Jude, patron saint of hopeless causes, has a place in my wallet. I think he's overwhelmed. My cause isn't hopeless, just frustrating, and I think he'd rather be hanging out by someone's sick bed than stuck between my gas receipts trying to keep track of a dollar-eighty.

The gold medal from the canoe race is more of a reminder than a charm. I look at it and think about the perseverance, skill and discipline it took for my friend to win it. Then I think about the perseverance, skill and discipline it takes to balance my checkbook. It's a stretch, but I work with what I got.

Perhaps my multidirectional approach is part of the problem. The lucky charms could be canceling one another out. Maybe you're supposed to have just the cats and not the frog.

Maybe just one cat.

Then again, maybe I should have good fortune coming at me from all angles. My wallet is totally up to Las Vegas specs. Except for the money.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-8172.