Posted on: Tuesday, August 14, 2001

Island Voices
Barking dog used to reveal a message

By Kerrith H. (Kerry) King
Communication skills coach

Your neighbor's barking dog annoys you. You know it bothers others too, yet no one dares to talk with the dog owner.

On the surface, talking to the dog owner seems to be the responsible thing to do. You know if you call the police, they will ask whether you've talked to the dog owner. So, why haven't you and your neighbors talked to the dog owner?

Perhaps you worry whether the mere mention of the subject at best will prompt a meaningless apology, reasons, excuses or even continued abuse. Still, your unexpressed considerations are serving as a barrier to effective communication and to seeking the truth. Let's look at some of these considerations.

Most of your considerations stem from fear. You are afraid that you don't have the communication skills to pull off a mutually satisfying conversation. You are afraid that your built-up anger and resentment might creep into the conservation, especially if the dog owner doesn't respond positively. Perhaps you sense that no matter how polite and diplomatic you try to be, you may trigger even more abuse. It's possible you fear retaliation. Pent-up considerations can be communication barriers.

Underneath your considerations about approaching the dog owner is a natural knowing. You know with certainty that any conversation will confirm what you suspect: The dog's master is in fact setting you up, subconsciously trying to goad you into an abusive argument. The dog owner is using the dog to express disrespect and contempt, hoping it will trigger legal action so a judge will order the owner to get therapy, to get to the source of and disperse the anger. The dog owner is using his "best friend," ultimately, as a means of drawing attention to some unresolved anger.

You might think that the best you can do is "zen away" the noise and send "love bombs" in their direction, however, there is one supportive thing you can do. Clip this article and find a way to get it to the dog owner.

Doing this is a safe way to communicate your considerations. That person will know it was left anonymously because someone was afraid to discuss it personally. It communicates your disappointment that you don't yet deserve their respect. It also lets them know that you are working on developing your communication skills so as to inspire harmony and tranquility in your neighborhood. It might take a few months for them to act upon it; so be patient.