They must think we're suckers
By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist
On the Kihei side of Maui, just about every other restaurant serves what I think of as "creative kalua cuisine": Kalua pig quesadilla, kalua pig spring roll, pizzetta with kalua pig, kalua pig and cheese calzone.
'Ono, you know.
But then someone told me the kalua pig theory — that all that kalua pig comes from the hotel lu'au. It's the extras they couldn't sell.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm not talking about stuff that the tourists don't eat getting scraped off the plates back into the buffet trays. I'm talking about the stuff that never leaves the kitchen. Stuff that couldn't be sold one way, but when wrapped in a puff pastry and doused with cilantro-mango pesto, goes for a nice price at a place down the street.
Which brings me to the "Baywatch" movie being pitched around town. The series was canceled due to anemic ratings, but the creators are trying to wrap the concept a little differently and sell it as a made-for-television movie.
Trouble is, unlike the pig, it wasn't all that 'ono in the first place.
What's so amazingly cheeky about this latest project is that the dudes behind the deal are back in town passing around the koa calabash and asking for donations. They're not the same dudes who squeezed cash and accommodations out of state leaders two years ago. These guys are part of the original creative team, but have been out of the picture since 1998. But it sure sounds like they heard stories about all the goodies the state and Hawai'i businesses gave for the series.
Douglas Schwartz, executive producer on the TV-movie project, already is making the big threats. He told The Honolulu Advertiser's Derek Paiva: "We could shoot this show in Los Angeles. Everybody is here, and we don't have to pay for airfare or hotel. ... (But) we would like to do the show in Hawai'i."
Well, of course they would like to do the show in Hawai'i. This is Hawai'i, for crying out loud. But these guys got it in their heads that they can fast-talk their way into getting Hawai'i to pick up the tab for their project.
What's worse, they think they can get cash, rooms, airfare and comp tickets to the buffet as flat-out gifts with no expectation of any sort of return. They promised worldwide exposure with the series that would bring tourists aplenty, but no one seems to know a way to measure the fabled "Baywatch" effect on visitor arrivals. Furthermore, they never offered any sort of return on investment.
They're threatening to go to L.A.? As the cowboys in Makawao would say, "Let 'em-a-go." Let's welcome producers who are willing to pay their own way. I use the word "willing" deliberately, because these "Baywatch" guys are certainly able to rent their own rooms and buy their own plane tickets. They just think they don't have to.
Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.
