Animal Companions
When a loved pet dies, you've lost a best friend

Hawaiian Humane Society

For many people, their pets are their truest, most endearing friends. Their love is unconditional and their loyalty unfailing. They can always be counted on to be there to make you laugh when you're sad, or to be played with. When you lose your best friend, the loss hits you hard.

Nettie Vierra placed an ornament honoring her dog, Webster, on the memorial tree last year. She's holding a Humane Society staffer's dog.

While no two people grieve in the same way, their grief will likely manifest itself in stages: denial, anger, depression and finally acceptance. Having an understanding friend or a support group you can talk to can help you on your way to acceptance.

Turning to pet therapy

Just as we deeply feel the loss of a pet, so can the touch of an animal sooth our feelings and make us feel better.

•

Memorial Tree Lighting Ceremony Dec. 6, 6-7 p.m. To give those who have lost pets a way to express their feelings, there will be a memorial tree lighting ceremony at the Hawaiian Humane Society. Kahu Kordell Kekoa will lead the ceremony. Participants can personalize an ornament with a pet's name and, if they would like, a photograph. Ornaments in the shape of a wreath, tree or bone may be hung on the memorial tree or taken home. A donation of $5 per ornament is requested. After the holidays, participants may pick up their ornaments. Support services The Hawaiian Humane Society is a great resource for help and information on pet bereavement. Call or visit to get a list of recommended reading. Participate with the Pet Loss Support Group that meets monthly at the Humane Society. For more information, call 946-2187, ext. 222. The Humane Society's Web site also offers information on pet loss, including cemeteries, crematories and a reading list for adults and children. Visit hawaiianhumane.org/programs/petloss.

"Pet therapy" is something we hear about more and more recently, especially in situations where people are confined to their homes or a hospital bed. The Humane Society's pet visitation program brings volunteers and their animals to hospitals and treatment centers on O'ahu. Children and senior citizens brighten up at the jingle of an animal's ID tag.

Luann Foos first introduced a standard poodle as a permanent resident of the care facility she managed in Phoenix. She chose the poodle after animal experts advised her that standard poodles or golden retrievers were best suited for the retirement home environment.

Now the executive director at Kane'ohe's Pohai Nani Good Samaritan Retirement Community, Foos continued pet therapy for residents by introducing a white standard poodle. Named Hanai by the residents, the pup grew up at the facility. To the delight of the residents, the dog played with toys and interacted with everyone.

The 6-year-old poodle died unexpectedly in November, leaving the Pohai Nani family grieving for their four-legged friend. Administrator David Fitzgerald noted, "The residents, even those with dementia, were very upset when she died."

"We have had many sympathy cards and gifts come from all over Hawai'i and the Mainland in honor of Hanai," Foos said. "Our hearts are universally broken, though each resident has expressed the loss in their own way. It is gratifying to know so many people feel empathy for our loss."

Foos said that when the residents are ready, she'll introduce a new puppy — a black one this time .

Bidding your friend goodbye

Just as with the death of a person, it is important to say goodbye to your animal friend to formalize the death and help you with your grief. Here are some suggestions:

• Make a photo album or collage of the happy times you shared.

• Record memories in a journal or write a letter to your pet. Go online and check the pet loss support pages and share your thoughts.

• Plan a memorial service at home, in a dog park, or in a place that was special to your pet. O'ahu has a pet cemetery at Valley of the Temples where you may honor your pet with a funeral and burial.

• Make a donation to a charity in your pet's name. Consider a personalized stepping stone in the Hawaiian Humane Society garden as a memorial to your pet.

• Create a living memorial by planting a tree or bush in your yard.

• Do volunteer work to help other animals.

These will help honor your pet as you accept the finality of your loss. Give everyone in your home time to heal, including the other pets.

Each person's grieving process is unique, and so is the decision to bring a new pet into your life. You'll know when the time is right for you to introduce another animal to your home.