Posted on: Tuesday, December 11, 2001
Finding holiday spirit in troubling times
By Mary Kaye Ritz
Religion and Ethics Writer
| Ways to find the joy of the season • Keep it simple. • Do things together as a family — even mundane errands. • Tone down the divisive issues for the time being. "We're probably going to come out the other end with those issues being less divisive," Voth said. • Practice your traditions: • Reach out to the community. Drop off a box to the homeless shelter, a toy at Toys for Tots, help out the food bank. "It's the giving beyond ourselves," Voth said. • If you need to see a counselor, know you're not the first to seek help. "A lot of people this year will be needing that," Voth said. Tips from counselor Victor Voth |
Leave it to the piped-in Christmas music, the two-story tree and bedecked halls — er, make that malls — to make it feel a little more like Christmas.
Merci Guittu of 'Aiea and Thanh Truc Rillera and Anita Martin, both of Waipahu, ducked into a festive Ala Moana on their lunch break last week and said they were quite ready for Christmas to get here this year.
The dental office workers said they were beginning to feel the familiar rush of Christmas good cheer, as was Elizabeth Alama of Makiki.
A sweet gesture by her son gave Alama her glow: He surprised her by setting up a Christmas tree, even though she's leaving for Salt Lake City for the holidays.
As Alama dragged a Sears bag heavy with gifts for her great-grandchildren, she remarked that this was shopping day for the little ones, and the next day she would buy groceries for a food drive.
But for some having their first O'ahu Christmas, including fiancees Hubert Brown II and Cheryl Roque, both who work at the mall, there's some tarnish on the tinsel. Watching "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and flipping the remote back to CNN to see the updates on war in Afghanistan sent a surreal tint to the holiday.
Victor Voth, clinical therapist and former Advertiser relationship columnist, sees different holiday moods emanating from his two different gigs: Tripler and Unity Counseling Center.
Tripler patients are affected by the war, worrying daily about whether they'll be deployed.
"There's definitely a somber atmosphere," he said.
The nonmilitary patients are determined to carry on.
He's advising patients to think in terms of being happy these holidays, but also to focus on safety this year.
"There's physical safety, pulling in," he said. "(People must) get close to home, or if you're going somewhere, go somewhere even safer than home, like Grandma's house."
Parents, especially, need to circle up the wagons, he said.
That means keeping things simple. Tone down the parties, the uproar, the large gatherings. The less frenetic the activity, the safer you'll feel.
It's best for children to have parents physically close. Let them know they are loved, he said.
Getting out of yourself helps you find that Christmas spirit, he points out. Send care packages to children in Afghanistan; buy and drop off a new toy at the Toys for Tots.
"It's a very special time, very special year," Voth said. "(We must) learn from where we are."
Don't go into denial: It's OK to have the holiday blues, to not feel the Christmas rush. Those feelings need to be validated, too, he said. Helping someone else with their burden makes yours feel a little lighter.
With the family in close proximity, issues may bubble up. Listen to one another, he suggests. Take stock of what's going on in the family. If you can agree to put some difficult topics aside for the holidays, do find a quieter, calmer time to discuss them. If they can't wait until January, wait until you calm down.
"Work on them after kids are asleep," he said. "Support each other. Come to some agreements about importance of this holiday."
But this isn't a Christmas like any other, so ...
"Don't deny that we're going through a real hard, scary time," Voth said. "These are important lessons. People's senses are up, (we're) more aware of each other. Think about those less fortunate, and be real grateful for our blessings."
