Imbibe
Do you know enough about drinks to run a bar?

By Sean Nakamura
Alan Wong's Restaurant

It was a crazily busy Saturday night at the bar when two friends noticed some commotion behind the counter. The crowd was already three deep when the call came in to the bartender, whose frazzled and frantic look let the two friends know something was up. They overheard the bartender excitedly exclaim "My wife is having a baby!" as he hurriedly left the bar. With a worried look, the manager ordered a stunned waiter to get behind the bar. "If you don't know what's in a drink, ask somebody at the bar," the manager said.

The two friends looked excitedly at one another, eager to take advantage of the chance to help the waiter-turned-barkeep. The more talkative of the two friends introduced himself as Tito Toler, and his slightly intoxicated friend as Emily Biber. "Call her Em for short," Toler said. "I don't drink much but Em sure knows her stuff, you should ask her if you need any help"

The orders poured in and the questions followed. Here's your chance: See how you measure up to the challenge the waiter and his friends faced that night.

Just remember, you've already exhausted your lifelines, and don't worry about answering in the form of a question. Potent Potables will surely tax your knowledge of bar trivia.

As he scanned the bar, the waiter noticed a bottle with a worm floating inside it. "This must have gone bad sometime last century," he exclaimed.

"Don't worry, it's fine," Em responded.

1. The worm in the bottle is associated with what Mexican spirit?

A. Tequila; B. Mezcal; C. Metaxa; D. Corona

The orders began pouring in when one of the waiters asked, "Do we do Kir Royales here?" Rather annoyed, Em emphatically replied, "Of course you can do that!"

2. The Kir Royale is a cocktail containing a combination of:

A. Champagne and orange juice;ÊB. White wine and cassis; C. champagne and cassis; D. white wine and 7-Up

Things were already hectic, but they got worse when one inebriated barfly shouted, "Give me a dirty Charlie Brown." The confused temp quickly looked to Em. "Oh, that's easy," she said in a comforting tone.

3. The cocktail Charlie Brown is best described as a martini made with?

A. No vermouth; B. Gin and vodka; C. Extra liquor; D. Peanuts served on the side

4. When ordering a martini, what does the term "dirty" refer to?

A. A drink shaken and strained; B. Use of the same glass as previous drink; C. The addition of olive juice to the drink; D. Use of the cheapest gin in the house

The pressure was really getting to Tito. "My stomach is really turning," he said. Em had something in mind as she leaned over to talk to the waiter-turned-bartender.

5. A renowned bar cure for an upset stomach is?

A. Tonic water; B. ginger ale and lime; C. warm beer; D. Angostura bitters and soda

"What have you got in the way of bourbon or scotch?" a rather distinguished gentleman asked. The choices seemed too numerous to mention, but can you answer these questions?

6. Which one of these is not a true bourbon?

A. Wild Turkey; B. Old Granddad; C. Knob Creek; D. Jack Daniel's

7. Which one of these is not a scotch?

A. Crown Royal; B. Chivas Regal; C. Cutty Sark; D. Dewar's White Label

The big burly beer guzzler on the end of the bar felt left out of the loop with all the bar knowledge being thrown around.ÊHe confidently announced, "The yeast they use to make this beer sure gives it a wonderful bitterness." Em chuckled to herself as she turned and rolled her eyes.

8. Bitterness in beer can be primarily attributed to:

A. Water; B. barley; C. hops; D. bottle age

The hectic night was winding down when a patron eagerly inquired, "What would you suggest for a nightcap?" Having heard this question before, the almost christened bartender replied, "You might think about a cognac or liqueur."

9. What spirit would best describe a cognac?

A. An aged grappa;ÊB. An expensive whiskey; C. A French brandy; D. An Italian cordial

10. Which of these could be best described as an orange-flavored liqueur?

A. Grand Marnier; B. curacao; C. triple sec; D. Cointreau

With the night finally over, Em, Tito and the now bona fide bartender mulled over a pau-hana drink and reflected on how well they had done. With answers in hand, see how you compared with the experts.

ANSWERS: 1-b; 2-c; 3-b; 4-c; 5-d; 6-d; 7-a; 8-c; 9-c; 10-all of the above

SCORING:

4 or less: Should probably be ordering a Shirley Temple

5-6: Glass washer is always a possibility

7-8: Potential bartender material

9-10: Could probably take over in the bar anytime

Sean Nakamura tends the bar at Alan Wong's Restaurant.