Tennis game at 2 gets heated

By Mike Leidemann
Advertiser Columnist

It was so hot at the tennis court the other day all anybody could talk about was how hot it was.

"Hot one, yeah?"

It was so hot people spoke like that, in short, clipped semi-sentences, conserving energy.

"Man, it's hot."

"No wind today."

"Everybody got water?"

No one asked why we always play tennis at 2 p.m., the hottest part of the day. That's just the way it is. It's what we do for summer fun and exercise.

"Summer afternoon, summer afternoon," said Henry James. "To me those have always been the most beautiful words in the English language."

Mad dogs, Englishmen and tennis buddies.

"Hot town. Summer in the city. Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty." Anybody remember the Lovin' Spoonful?

Shut up and serve.

After each couple of games, there was an extra-long TV timeout to swig ice water and shoot the breeze, the only one to be found.

By the end of the first set, people were reminiscing about their hottest experiences.

"This is like a really fine spring day in Guam," someone said.

"It's like this in New York in the summertime, too. One-hundred degrees and 100 percent humidity."

"Same as Indiana. Or Minnesota. People come to Hawai'i in the summer to get away from the heat."

The heat evoked thoughts of cooler times and places.

"Once in Vietnam, I had to guard the place where they made all the ice for nearly the whole country. People would beg to trade places with me, but I never let them. I did let the cooks come and sit with me in return for a steak dinner, though."

We fantasized about ice tea and strawberry Slurpees from 7-Eleven. We wondered why there weren't more people in the pool. "They're probably at home drinking ice tea," someone reasoned.

We thanked our lucky stars that we don't live in Kailua-Kona or the 'Ewa Plain.

In the second set, it clouded over for a little bit. Eighty-eight in the shade.

"Ah, that's good."

"Feel the breeze?"

We sweated like pigs. We wilted like lettuce. We dried out like prunes. We played on.

We dreamed of getting home, showering, drinking a cold beer, and taking our wives to an air-conditioned movie theater. If only they still made summer movies worth watching.

Thankfully, we skipped the third set. No mas.

"Anybody know the weather forecast for tomorrow?"

"Same as today."

So we agreed to meet at 2 p.m. again, the hottest part of the day. Nobody knows why. It's just the way it's always been. It's what we do for summer fun and exercise.

Mike Leidemann's columns appear Thursdays and Saturdays in the Advertiser. He can be reached at 525-5460, or mleideman@honoluluadvertiser.com