Some men adopting wife's name at marriage

By Zenaida Serrano Espanol
Advertiser Staff Writer

Rolando Lee Dongon combined wife Keanani's last name, Lee, with his after they got married. " just looked at it as more equal," he said. Here, the couple poses with their 5-month-old daughter, Hi'iakaikawaiola. Deborah Booker • The Honolulu Advertiser

When Keanani Lee married Rolando Dongon, they decided to combine their last names. She became Keanani Dongon Lee and he became Rolando Lee Dongon.

"We didn't understand why a woman has to be the only one to change her name when (she gets) married," said Keanani Dongon Lee, a 27-year-old dietician who lives in Nu'uanu with her husband and daughter. "To us, it didn't make sense."

Alvin Onaka, the state registrar for vital statistics, said that last year the number of husbands who took their wives' last names in some form after getting married was "less than 1 percent" of the total marriages in the state.

But while the number has been small, it's been steady for at least a decade.

Of the more than 25,000 couples who got married last year, 69 husbands took their wives' last names and dropped their own last names, and 195 husbands combined their wives' last names and their own last names, with or without a hyphen.

In 1990, out of 18,306 marriages in the state, the numbers were 26 and 77, respectively. In 1995, out of 18,669 marriages, the numbers were 40 and 80, respectively.

Experts interviewed for this story were unsure whether the practice of a husband taking his wife's last name is done more or less in Hawai'i compared to other places. Many couples getting married don't realize that they even have that choice.

Dongon Lee and her husband, for example, said they didn't know they could change their last names the way they did until they went to the state Department of Health for their marriage license. There they were given a chart that listed nearly a dozen options of new names that couples getting married can choose from. (See box.)

'We are one'

There are several reasons a husband would take his wife's last name. Jonathan Okamura, assistant professor of ethnic studies at the University of Hawai'i-Manoa, said that one reason may be gender equality.

"By both (the husband and the wife) sharing the same last name, there seems to be like, a kind of representation of the equality of the partners in marriage," Okamura said.

Such was the case with Keanani Dongon Lee and Rolando Lee Dongon, 26, who is a musician. They were married on Sept. 15, 1998, in Honolulu.

"I just looked at it as more equal," Rolando Lee Dongon said about combining his wife's last name with his own.

He said that by doing so, he feels that their marriage is more meaningful and that "it has a lot of sentimental value."

When Denise Smith and Steve Swanhart got married on Oct. 24, 1998, in Waikiki, they also chose to combine their last names. Like Dongon Lee and Lee Dongon, the Smith Swanharts of Kapolei said it was a matter of "equity."

"I believe that the biggest reason was that I didn't want to be Steve Swanhart and have my wife (be named) Denise Smith Swanhart," said Steve Smith Swanhart, 36, a golf course superintendent. "I want it to be the same as her because we are one, so we might as well have the same name."

But stay-at-home mom Denise Smith Swanhart, 36, said that it has been difficult to get people to acknowledge her new last name, and she's not sure why. She said that the ordeal "is frustrating" and she is therefore considering legally hyphenating the two last names, hoping that would clear up any confusion.

"I think my experience has been the exact opposite of hers," Steve Smith Swanhart said. "Gaining acceptance hasn't been a problem for me."

He said that although some guys joke around with him, a lot of women seem to appreciate what he did.

"The women, gosh, women think I'm great," he said with a big smile.

Cultural reasons

For some, there may also be cultural or ethnic ties to this practice. For example, Okamura knows of a couple in which the husband is Hawaiian but doesn't have a Hawaiian last name, so he took his wife's Hawaiian last name. The reason was to perpetuate their Hawaiian identity and cultural pride.

"You could always give your child a Hawaiian first name," Okamura said, "but this is a way of also perpetuating the family last name, the Hawaiian, so that it doesn't also die out."

In Asian cultures, there are instances where the wife comes from a family with no sons, and the husband takes on his wife's last name to help perpetuate his wife's family name.

Takie Lebra, professor emeritus of anthropology at UH-Manoa, said that in pre-war Japan, a common practice that took place was called mukoyoshi, or "son-in-law adoption."

In these arrangements, which took place among all classes, a man would marry a woman and at the same time be adopted by the woman's family, therefore taking on his wife's family name. Lebra explained that back then, it was imperative to continue the stem-family, or ie, over generations by securing a male successor to its headship. So mukoyoshi would take place among families with no sons or no "good sons."

"Conditions and attractions of mukoyoshi proposals varied in terms of what was exchanged for what between the adopter and adoptee," Lebra said.

An upper-class adopter, for example, would offer his estates and his prominent name in exchange for the adoption and marriage arrangement, she said.

Lebra said that the practice still takes place today in Japan, but for different reasons, such as inheritance and caretaking issues.