'Sandwich' generation seems to cope

USA Today

Baby boomers in the "sandwich" years — 45 to 55 — are crunched by commitments to their parents and kids, but most manage with minimal stress, suggests a new national survey.

The AARP phone survey found the "me" generation to be the "we" generation that gives freely. "They're taking on responsibilities with a lot of care and gratitude, and mostly doing it with a positive outlook," says AARP research director Shereen Remez.

Seventy percent of those surveyed have at least one living parent, and 44 percent have kids under 21 at home and living parents or in-laws.

• Some 22 percent call themselves "caregivers" for older relatives. More than 80 percent give "intermittent" help, such as driving and housework.
• Seventy-four percent say family needs don't stress them; 48 percent wish they could do more.

Blacks surveyed report the most stress: One-third say they're stressed by family commitments. They have the most children and are more likely than whites to be caring for older relatives. Asian Americans are most likely to feel they should do more for parents — 72 percent feel guilty — but do the most caregiving.

Still, the survey may understate midlifers' stress. "If you ask them if they're stressed, they'll say no. Still, I get a lot of referrals from cardiologists for middle-aged patients who are so overwhelmed they're having panic attacks," notes Plantation, Fla., psychologist Priscilla Marotta.