Movie Scene
'America's Sweethearts' leaves a sour taste

By Christy Lemire
Associated Press Entertainment Writer

Such a sad irony that a movie called "America's Sweethearts" should leave such a sour taste, that the blindingly brilliant Julia Roberts should be so dull, that nearly every joke from comic genius Billy Crystal — who co-stars, produced and co-wrote the script — should land with such a thud.

"America's Sweethearts," a Columbia Pictures release, is rated PG-13 for language and some crude and sexual humor. Running time: 100 minutes.

But as directed by Joe Roth — founder of Revolution Studios and former head of Walt Disney Studios and 20th Century Fox — it's sporadically funny at best. More often it's ridiculous and over-the-top, until it ultimately spins shrilly out of control.

Zeta-Jones and Cusack play Gwen Harrison and Eddie Thomas, the married co-stars of such wildly popular (and insufferably cheesy) films as "Autumn with Greg and Peg" and "Requiem for an Outfielder."

But self-centered Gwen left neurotic Eddie months ago for her muy macho Spanish co-star, Hector (Hank Azaria), and Eddie left reality for a New Agey mountaintop retreat.

The last film they made together, "Time Over Time," is about to come out, and both stars (not to mention the studio) are in desperate need of a hit.

Enter longtime press agent Lee Phillips (Crystal), who must bring the estranged husband and wife together again, if only briefly, to pretend to get along for the pesky entertainment reporters at a junket to promote the film. He also needs this to work — he's about to lose his job to his much younger protege (Seth Green).

The only person who can help him is Kiki (Roberts), Gwen's sister and assistant, who was dumpy and insecure until she dropped 60 pounds. ("Sixty pounds? That's a Backstreet Boy," Lee quips in one of his better lines.)

Kiki still indulges Gwen's every whim, which includes backrubs and scrambled eggs on command and making sure no one smokes within a 6-mile radius. But because of her proximity, she has the best shot at getting Gwen to the junket.

Sometime in the span of a couple of days, between the interviews and the cocktail parties, Eddie and Kiki realize they're in love. "I've never seen him look at her the way he looks at you," Lee tells Kiki.

That was fast! And it's unbelievable, especially considering their chemistry is nonexistent.

Madcap hilarity ensues, including the required fistfights and misunderstandings and cases of mistaken identity.

All the jokes get beaten to death. Hector's accent is funny at first ("I'm not inbited to the hunket?" he asks incredulously) but grows tiresome quickly. All the reporters are obnoxious, blithering sycophants.

Christopher Walken rescues the few scenes he's in as the eccentric director who holds the film hostage until the very last minute. In one of the funniest gags, Walken's character has bought Unabomber Ted Kaczynski's cabin and imported it to the yard outside his mansion, and that's where he edits his movies.

Roberts deserves credit for taking the subordinate role, for letting Zeta-Jones be the diva (Roberts played that role in 1999's "Notting Hill"). But it's not much fun to watch, and flashbacks to when Kiki was heavier just look like Julia Roberts wearing a fat suit and a bad wig and cramming Oreos in her mouth.

Zeta-Jones is luminous as the narcissistic film star, but even her radiance fades when the movie descends into Jerry Springer-style chaos in front of 300 members of the international press.

Perhaps the biggest irony is that of all the studios to release a movie about Hollywood machinations, it's Columbia Pictures, which is part of Sony, which admitted last month that it fabricated quotes from a nonexistent film critic and placed its employees in testimonial ads for its films.

The timing's a bit unfortunate, but so is everything else about the movie.