For Better, For Worse
Wife gives God credit for saving her marriage

By Kumi Macdonald

John and Kumi Macdonald

We felt we had found the secret to a loving and nurturing relationship, so after five years we started a family. We thought life was perfect, with a little boy and girl. John was a great dad and worked two jobs so that I could stay at home to raise our children.

But somewhere along the way, the kids started to take priority, and our relationship was put on the back burner. I was busy being a mother, and John was busy working, and we neglected our relationship. John became more distant, and in hindsight, I can see that he was trying to tell me he was hurting, but I was too busy to listen. I thought that this was only for a short season, and that soon the babies would not be so needy.

John didn't feel that way, and one day three years ago, he told me he wanted out. He said that getting married so young was a big mistake, that he would be there for the kids, but that he wanted a divorce. I was devastated. At first I begged him to reconsider, but after trying so hard, I started to believe it was hopeless, and I agreed to give him a quiet divorce if he agreed to a separation for one year.

It was the most painful time in my life. I thought, how could God let this happen to me? Wasn't I doing everything right? How I cried and cried out to God for answers. Then, one night after I put the kids to sleep, I sank to my all-time low and begged God, "Please speak to me and show me what to do."

I scrambled through my Bible index, and there were the words, "Hope for the hopeless." I quickly looked up the pages and began to read. It was the story of a little girl who died, and everyone was crying. But Jesus came in and said, "'She is not dead, but asleep. Talitha cumi' (which means "little girl arise"), and the little girl rose from the dead." (Mark 5:39-41)

This passage spoke directly to me. This passage was about me. My parents named me Kumi from this exact verse — "cumi," which means to arise. I had forgotten about this passage, but God reminded me that even though everything looks hopeless, there is still hope with God. My marriage and my future seemed dead, everyone was crying for me. But God gave me hope that night. He told me not to give up, that there was a divine purpose for all of this.

John thought I was crazy to hold on to the impossible, but I told him that I knew God would restore us, and that I would wait for him. I learned a lot of patience and humility.

Then, little by little, I could see changes in John. We began to talk, to be friends, and we began to date again. Slowly but surely, God was working a miracle for us, and eventually, John came home.

It took a lot of work to rebuild our marriage. But now our relationship is stronger and we are more in love than ever. Now we go out on weekly dates, with our children's blessings, because they are happy when mom and dad are happy. We used to think that our children came first, but now we know that we only hurt them if our marriage is not a higher priority, firmly centered on God.

I look back through my journals every now and then and see how God has worked in my life. Although we have moved on, I don't want to forget any of it, because I did not suffer in vain. I know that God wants me to share my story. Others need to know that they are not alone in their suffering.

Now, when we are faced with an obstacle in our marriage, it really doesn't seem that difficult to overcome. Every time we hit a bump on the road, I just remember how God brought us through the hardest time in our life, and then it is so easy to forgive. I just keep falling in love with my first love all over again.

Kumi and John Macdonald were married on July 16, 1988, in Honolulu, and they live in Manoa.

Do you have a great love story? What are your best stories or advice on marriage and making the magic last? Do you have a story from your wedding or wedding planning advice? Send your letter of 500-750 words with your city and phone number to: For Better, For Worse, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170. Sending a photo is optional.