Family Matters
Family likely to debate the power of angry words

By Ka'ohua Lucas

I remember when I was about 10 years old, and a neighborhood boy decided that the football play I made was illegal.

And so an argument ensued.

"You cheat!" he exploded. "You one liar! You wait. The Portagee-man-o-war goin' sting you!"

I didn't place much stock in his words until the following weekend, when I was in the ocean with some friends, and a jellyfish decided to wrap itself around my arm.

"Wow, that suckin' Ray," I complained. "Now he's going to get it!"

In early Hawai'i, when a person such as Ray made an impulsive or vindictive statement to another individual, that person was called a waha 'awa, a "bitter-mouth person."

The statement would often convey a wish or prophecy that another person would meet with misfortune, illness or even death.

In Hawaiian scholar Mary Kawena Pukui's book "Nana I Ke Kumu," she described the waha 'awa person as showing a distinct personality trait.

"The waha 'awa always ho'omauhala (nurses a grudge) ... is not only bitter, but also very pa'akiki (stubborn) ... From the mouth of a waha 'awa comes no happy words, no enlightening words ... A waha 'awa says things you cringe to hear ... makes plenty pilikia (trouble) ... feels she (or he) is going to "get even" with all her (or his) might," Pukui wrote.

Ray probably did not realize the power of his words and probably would have exulted in the fact that I had received my just reward.

I think I will introduce the Ray incident to my 'ohana to remind them about the power of language.

I can hear it now.

"So what you're saying, my dear," my husband will say, "is that what I say when I'm angry can have a causal relationship with another person?"

Yeah, I guess.

"Yeah, Mom, so what you're saying is that if I said, 'I wish I were dead,' I would die?" the 11-year-old will ask, furrowing his brow.

Yeah, I guess.

"I learned in my Hawaiian culture class that a waha 'awa was a person highly perceptive of another's weak spot, including guilt," my 18-year-old cultural enthusiast will say. "These people were clever in reading signals from the other person."

Yeah, I guess.

"So what you're saying is, this waha 'awa, for whatever developmental reasons, engaged in a verbal kind of sadism?" my husband will interject.

Yeah, I guess.

"So, Mommy," the 7-year-old will chime in, "if I tell someone when I'm mad that they are going to turn into a lima bean, they will?"

Yeah, I guess.

On second thought, maybe I'll postpone sharing my limited knowledge of the waha 'awa and the effect words can have on people.

Instead, I'll just reminisce about playing football with the neighborhood kids in our front yard.

And thank Ray, wherever he is, for inspiring this column.

Ka'ohua Lucas has an 18-year-old daughter and two sons, 11 and 7. She hold a master's degree in education curriculum and instruction, and works as an educational consultant on Hawaiian curriculum. She and fellow Hawai'i parent Lynne Wikoff take turns writing the Family Matters column. Send questions to: Family Matters, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.