Making it work may require effort

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

Inter-ethnic couples face all the same challenges as couples from the same ethnic group. But cultural and social differences may make it more difficult for these couples.

Here are some tips from experts on how to make it work:

• Respect and learn as much as you can about the other person's culture. "It helps to know where the other person is coming from, their perspective," said Norman Gibson, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Straub Clinic & Hospital. "When you get into an argument or disagreement, it enables you to take that person's point of view."
• Accept that communication may be more difficult. Couples may have to listen harder and remember to be sensitive to the other person's language and understanding differences. "Communication has to be open for relationship success and happiness," said Deanna Chang, a visiting sociology professor from Indiana University of Pennsylvania.
• Be flexible and tolerant of the other person's culture, values and traditions. For example, learn about and celebrate each other's cultural holidays. "You need to grow with each other," Chang said. "Learn new things, teach each other, adjust. The appreciation of diversity is in these relationship. It's about respect."
• Don't assume you know what the person is like based on stereotypes. For example, not all Asian people have the same beliefs, customs or values. "We are all really unique, even within a culture," Gibson said. "That means all couples, inter-racial or not, really need to communicate with each other." If the couple is having a difficult time talking with each other and understanding each other, Gibson recommends they get professional help. "I think a lot of people hesitate on that too much," he said. "When a car's in trouble, you go to a mechanic. When a marriage is in trouble, you get help."
• Make an effort to learn the other person's native language. Encourage him or her to continue to use it, especially if you have children. Being bilingual is an asset today.
• Share both cultures with your children. Teach your children about embracing diversity and respecting people's differences. "It's a smart idea," Gibson said. "It fosters a healthy respect for both cultures and makes the child feel proud of who you both are."