Expressions of Faith
Healing starts with forgiveness

By Russell Pang
Special to The Advertiser

Editor's note: This essay on finding peace after divorce has been written as an imaginary conversation between the heart and head.

Head: Isn't it time we moved on with our life?

Heart: But I'm still hurting so much.

Head: I know. But it has already been seven months. How much longer can we dwell in the past?

Heart: I don't believe you really understand how I feel.

Head: Oh, please, I've suffered the same loss as you.

Heart: But you intellectualize everything. You just don't feel as I do.

Head: Perhaps. But what I'm really concerned about is our future.

Heart: Future? I'm having enough trouble with today.

Head: Could your problem be that you are too emotional? That you haven't learned to detach from your feelings?

Heart: You're so callous! You want to place a time limit on my grieving. I wish I could detach from you.

Head: There you go again: getting emotional. I believe we must learn to forgive.

Heart: You're asking me to forgive him? Surely you remember what he did to us?

Head: I know he hurt us badly. But forgiveness is for us, for our well-being because forgiveness allows us to heal faster.

Heart: Do you also want me to forget this ever happened?

Head: No, while it's not possible to forget, it is possible to forgive.

Heart: You above anyone should know the pain I've gone through.

Head: I agree that ending a relationship is painful. But forgiveness doesn't mean you must re-establish a relationship with him.

Heart: Why are you on his side, sticking up for him?

Head: Believe me, I'm on your side. I want what is best for you, for us, and that is forgiveness. Unforgiveness is the cancer of our soul, and when you think about it, unforgiveness is self-imposed bondage.

Heart: How so?

Head: Unforgiveness becomes consuming when we allow the other person to control us and to occupy our mind and heart freely. Forgiveness frees us from those negative thoughts and feelings that stir up deep within us when we think about someone we don't like.

Heart: To be honest, those negative thoughts and feelings have bothered me lately. While I dislike being angry, bitter and resentful, it seemed so easy to do. I really prefer to have a positive attitude.

Head: Changing your attitude is a wise and healthy decision because you will no longer feel like a puppet on a string. More importantly, forgiveness returns God's peace to our soul.

Russell Stephen Pang is a member and deacon at First Presbyterian Church, and leader of the church's Divorce Care and Grief Share ministries.

Expressions of Faith is a column written by pastors, priests, lay workers and other leaders in faith and spirituality. To contribute, e-mail faith@honoluluadvertiser.com or call 525-8036. Please include your name, title and telephone number.