Mom insists that her 'tired' kids help with the chores
By Ka'ohua Lucas
It had been one of my rougher days.
The morning began promptly at 4 a.m.
A meeting at 9 in Kane'ohe.
Another at noon in town.
Return to Kane'ohe for another meeting at 3 p.m.
Depart Kane'ohe at 5 to pick up kids - two in Kalihi, one at Wai'alae.
Pit stop at the market for groceries.
Fight traffic, fight traffic.
"OK, guys, when we get home, the first thing I want you to do is unload the groceries while I get dinner started," I barked, a little on edge, as we made our way home.
"OK, Mom," the cherubs chorused.
Why did I not believe them?
We arrived home shortly after 7 p.m.
I raced up the driveway, leaped out of our van and bounded up the stairs to struggle with the lock on the door.
As I began washing the morning dishes, I peered out of the kitchen window.
Both my boys sat comfortably in the van - Van Gogh was beginning to draw the jaws of a dinosaur while Dr. Doolittle was kneading the chins of our two dogs.
"Come on, guys, let's go, go, go!" I shouted like a drill sergeant, my patience wearing thin.
No response.
I finished up the dishes and stormed outside.
"So what's up? Why haven't either of you made a move to bring in the groceries?"
"We're really tired, Mom," the 5-foot-tall, self-appointed spokesperson insisted as one of the dogs licked his cheek.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, Mommy, I'm too tired to carry anything, and there's too many groceries," the youngest one whimpered, adding razor-sharp teeth to his dinosaur character.
"Listen, boys, I know that neither of you can understand this, but when you were both in Hawaiian language class today, mom was in a meeting. When you were agonizing over whether you wanted chocolate or white milk for lunch, I was stuffing apple slices and trail mix into my mouth on the H-1.
"When you were playing flag football with your buddies during recess, mom was frantically looking for a parking space. While you were swimming, I was buying your favorite squeeze-it juice and chunky Chips Ahoy cookies. Now are you ready to remove the groceries from the car?" I said, my voice ending in a crescendo.
"Yeah, OK, Mom, 'nuff already," they mumbled, shoving the dogs aside and giving the drawing pad a toss as they shuffled off to the rear of the van to retrieve the groceries.
Why do I feel that I am constantly badgering my children to get things done?
Is it worth all the time and energy I expend?
The answer is, yes, absolutely!
As parents, we want the best for our children.
We have enrolled them in good schools, expecting a strong academic foundation to follow.
We have them on every sports team, hoping to improve their athletic prowess and develop their social skills.
We have them involved in music and dance lessons to increase their creativity.
But the one area we spend little time nurturing is their kindness to others - a concern for their community.
Someone I know told me about an incident in which an elderly gentleman cried out for help and no one paid attention.
His shopping cart was wedged between two parked cars, and he was unable to move.
Several people heard his plea, but no one reacted except my friend.
She ran over to assist and to maneuver him out of his predicament.
Others in the area looked on.
I was driving home recently when I came upon a man in a wheelchair trying to cross a busy intersection.
His wheelchair refused to move up the slight incline.
Vehicles were zipping around him, and he was in a dangerous situation.
I drew my car up alongside him and switched on my emergency lights.
"I need help," he called out.
Just as I was about to step out of my car, a girl about 12 years old
entered the crosswalk and maneuvered him to safety.
This small, random act of kindness had a great impact on my children, who were sitting comfortably in the van.
I believe that the fostering of civic responsibility begins right at home.
To instill it in our keiki, we must insist that they continue to contribute to the 'ohana by sharing in household responsibilities.
That means - whether they are tired or not - we must insist that they help lug the groceries from the car into the house.
Our insisting children help at home will transfer to their adult lives and provide them with a foundation to further acts of human kindness.
As Mary Kawena Pukui, a source of Hawaiian wisdom, once said, "'A'ohe lokomaika'i i nele e ka pana'i."
Its meaning: No kind deed has ever lacked its reward.
Two Hawai'i parents, Lynne Wikoff and Ka'ohua Lucas, take turns writing the Family Matters column. Send comments to: Family Matters, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.
