Bride begins 'game plan' for wedding 1 day after proposal

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

Connie Soga admires the wedding dress that she will wear when she marries her fiance, Bret Moore. Deborah Booker • The Honolulu Advertiser

Dec. 17, 2000: The day Soga began planning the wedding.

Actually, the wheels in her head starting spinning even before she blurted out "Yes!" She didn't waste any time rolling up her sleeves and diving into the often complicated, always surprising process of wedding planning.

She knew she wanted an evening reception at a hotel in Waikiki. She began formulating a guest list in her head. And she narrowed her bridal party down to five. She even decided on the colors for the wedding, burgundy and black. They chose the date, Nov. 3, 2001.

"She has her game plan," Moore said with a laugh, and with a sense of awe. "All I need to know is when, where and what to be in."

That's the basic formula to planning a wedding, although the little details are what make the milestone event a memorable one. As the couple is quickly finding out.

From choosing the right napkin design to deciding on the perfect frosting for the wedding cake, the little things can wind up being costly and a bit time-consuming.

"And overwhelming," Moore added. "It's a lot of frou-frou stuff we don't need."

Soga and Moore will chronicle their road to the altar in a column in The Advertiser's 'Ohana section, sharing their best finds, fantasies, even flops. They hope their tips and advice help others in the planning (or wishful-planning) stages.

So they're turning over their can't-leave-home-without-it planner bursting with wedding dos and don'ts, lists of things to do and suggestions to do things better.

Here's a sampling of what they've already learned.

Working as a team

Teamwork has worked for this couple.

From different parts of the country – Soga is from Illinois, Moore is from Montana – with different ideas of the perfect wedding, they had to figure out what would work best for them. Together.

That meant drafting a list of must-haves and want-to-haves, and narrowing it down to what they truly need and what they can live without. And all at a reasonable price. In the end, 1,001 cranes were in, labor-intensive homemade favors were out.

Communication has been crucial. The 30-year-old Soga does most of the planning, from calling to get prices to reading dozens of bridal magazines and catalogs to find tips and shortcuts.

More consultant than wedding coordinator, Moore, 27, gets involved in the final decision-making and offers up his opinion when needed.

"Most of the wedding details are pretty 'girly,' and that's why Bret has take a more supportive and consultant role rather than a direct one," Soga said. "I usually bring the ideas to him and he will share his feelings about it."

But some aspects of the wedding Moore has completely taken over. Like the cake.

"He doesn't care what it looks like," Soga said, "but he cares what it tastes like."

They've sampled every cake they could get their taste buds on. What's he looking for?

"I want a cake I could stuff my face with all day," Moore said. "I don't want people to spend four hours, come to a boring reception, then eat crappy cake on top of that."

Planning for about three months now, the couple still hasn't decided on the cake flavor. But they've settled on the design: a four-tier splendor with fresh flowers and pearly-white frosting. Something Soga picked out, naturally.

"My whole thing is, this is her day," Moore said. "It's all about her."

Right on schedule

Planning a get-together is one thing. But a wedding?

"I'm anticipating a wedding meltdown this summer," Soga joked.

But actually, the couple is right on schedule. They've booked the reception at the Sheraton Waikiki on Nov. 3, paid for the wedding dress, picked out her wedding band, hired the photographer and decided on invitations and favors.

The main checklist items left are choosing the cake, finalizing the guest list, picking out the groom's wedding band and planning the honeymoon. Oh, and figuring out who in the bridal party can make it to the wedding.

The two things they've learned really quickly: Every vendor needs a deposit, and good luck coordinating schedules.

"We had to make hard decisions," Soga said. Summer made it hard for his family to fly down; fall was difficult for their military friends.

"No matter what day we planned it, there was always someone who couldn't make it," Moore said matter-of-factly.

And without a set date, they couldn't hire anyone. And without a deposit, there was no guarantee.

Experienced planner

Luckily, event planning is right up Soga's alley. The marketing and promotions manager for 24 Hour Fitness-Hawai'i, Soga has experience in coordinating events. (Moore's a personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness; that's how they met.)

"For her job, she plans parties all the time..." Moore said.

Countered Soga: "But this is THE party, the big one, my party."

"... And all those Christmas parties and grand openings were just warmups," Moore continued. "For me, a truck and a keg on the beach is enough."

Soga waved his comment away: "You're such a guy."

In the end, though, the wedding is just icing on a relationship especially sweet and supportive. They could be living proof that opposites do attract. He favors "Gladiator," while she swoons over Disney movies. He's an avid football fan; she's addicted to the E! Channel. He really does enjoy washing his car; she's never washed one in her life.

"Bret and I are soulmates," Soga said. "It wasn't something we initially thought when we first started dating, but it was something I discovered after a few months went by. ... We find the differences interesting and educational. It makes you humble that the whole world doesn't revolve around just you and your viewpoint. His love for me has given me the balance I have needed to make my life complete. I'm marrying my best friend."

In 31 weeks.

Connie Soga and Bret Moore

• Ages: 30 and 27, respectively
• Occupations: Soga is the marketing and promotions manager for 24 Hour Fitness-Hawai'i; Moore is an Army staff sergeant and personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness-Hawai'i.
• Home: Lower Nu'uanu
• Together for: more than two years
• Engaged: Dec. 16, 2000
• Wedding date: Nov. 3
• Location: Sheraton Waikiki
• Estimated guest count: 300 (about 50 from out-of-state)
• Budget: to be determined (although they're aren't taking out any loans)