Island Style
Closetology: Understanding the psychology of the clothes in your closet

By Paula Rath
Advertiser Staff Writer

Rhoda Feinberg, a psychotherapist, says she values comfort and simplicity in her outfits. At work, she tries to dress in a style that won't intimidate her clients. Jeff Widener • The Honolulu Advertiser

There are the clothes you never wear: the little yellow sweater you bought when you were in a blue mood and needed cheering, the size 6 you were sure you'd get into when you lost those few pounds (it's the one with the tag still on it), the latter-day hippie skirt you bought to wear to the Rolling Stones concert, then chickened out on wearing. 'Auwe, the guilt!

Then there are those things we've worn dozens of times and fall back on day after day because they make us feel good about ourselves and the world in general: the red suit that got you three new clients, the skirt that makes everyone say "Have you lost weight?," the relaxed Island-print dress that makes you feel carefree as a day off. Ohh, why didn't I buy two or three of those?

In an attempt to get at some of this wardrobe psychology, we visited psychologist Rhoda Feinberg for a consultation on her closet.

Anyone could benefit from a period of time spent this way — pulling things out of the closet, noticing what works and what doesn't, which are favorites and which are never worn; making the tough decision to get rid of some things, and gaining a better understanding of yourself for future shopping trips.

As a psychotherapist, Feinberg said simplicity and comfort are the keys to her wardrobe. She wears "clothes that help me and my clients feel comfortable.æI often sit cross-legged, so pants are a must."

She also considers the psychology of her clothes choices as it affects clients. "One of the things about being a psychotherapist is that there's a power differential in the relationship. I'm often told I'm direct and intense and there's a strength about that."

So she prefers clothing that softens her image and doesn't get in her client's face.

Banishing bygones

As a girl, Feinberg was chubby, so body image has been an issue for her. Through hard work and even harder workouts, she's a trim size 6, working out at the Honolulu Club five to six days a week, playing tennis and walking Diamond Head.

"I'm always aware of and attending to not looking fat," she said. "I don't buy fat garments any more," meaning those loose-fitting, hide-yourself clothes that are meant to conceal at the same time that they allow for weight gain.

Nor does she limit the colors in her closet. "I used to wear a lot of black, but now that I'm older and more self-confident, I wear pastels."

Over the years, Feinberg, who is just under 5 feet tall, has learned her proportions. "Short over long gives me more of a sense of belonging in the clothing, without the clothing wearing me," she said.

She doesn't put her faith in the hypothesis that "clothes make the woman." She has come to realize that happiness comes from someplace else — inside — rather than anything you can shop for. "I'm not a consumer in the ultimate sense," she said. For many, consuming to excess is a way of trying to fill an emptiness, and it doesn't get filled by clothing — or any thing. It's the stuff on the inside that fills us — developing skills, competence and self-esteem."

What, me shop?

Feinberg takes a meander-through-the-mall approach to shopping. "I'm a superstitious person, so I just kind of saunter down the mall, making believe I don't need anything.æBecause if I go out to shop I never find what I want. So I'll just go "la di da di da" and walk down the mall and say to myself, "Oh, there's Ann Taylor or there's Banana Republic. I'll just go in and see what's there. If I think to myself that I really don't need anything, then I will find something. It's silly. It's my personality."

With this approach to shopping, Feinberg said, "I invariably buy something. Sometimes I even laugh at myself for fooling myself."

Good deal, good feeling

Although she has a successful practice, don't look to Feinberg to wear Gucci or Parada. You're more likely to find her at the sales rack at Liberty House or Ann Taylor.

She is by no means extravagant, but neither will she buy cheap or poorly made clothes. She prefers to shop sales, although if she finds something she loves and it's not on special, she might splurge. "My mother always used to say 'buy good, buy basic,'" she recalled.

Like many women, Feinberg likes the personal approach to shopping. Feinberg grew up in New York where her family shopped at little neighborhood stores where she always knew the storekeeper. "It's important to me to be able to go in and say, 'I want somebody to look at me and really know me and say with sincerity, 'Let me help you.'

"I like experts who know what they're doing to help me," she said. She often works with Susan Flores at Ann Taylor at Kahala Mall, who helps her select things she'll like.

"Once, I went in when she wasn't there and bought a skirt I knew wasn't right. I brought it back on a day when she was there, and she said, 'It's okay but it's not fantastic.' "

Feinberg appreciated the saleswoman's candor, returned the skirt and has continued to shop there.

Purging

It's always hard to get rid of clothes. How does this psychologist approach the task?

"I'll go to New York to some galleries or the Museum of Modern Art and see the art and everything is stark and minimalist. So I'll say to myself. 'Okay, I'm going to become a minimalist in my life and the way to start is to cleanse my closet.' But of course I can't throw anything away."

So, Feinberg takes out a big plastic bag and throws the clothes into the bag and stacks the hangers. There's pride in an empty hanger. "Then I take the bag and put it in the linen closet and I don't look at it again." Later, when she can't even remember what's inside, she donates the unopened bag to a charity.