Hawai'i Ways, Hawai'i Days
Friendship tears down barriers

By Gina Loveland

The small agricultural community of Waialua was divided into "camps" usually determined by race.æ As long as I can remember, our family — the Clarence Guerreiros — lived next to the Tanakas in "Skill Camp," even though we were of different ethnicity.æI believe we were able to live next to each other because Mr. Tanaka (Kazuo, known as "Cooper") and my dad's jobs were considered of similar ranking.

None of that was a concern to me then.æThe Tanaka kids were the same age as my older sister and brothers, making them eons older than myself; therefore no chance of being playmates.æIt wasn't until my father passed away that I got to know them.æBy that time, I had married and moved away.

Mom, Cecilia Vincent Guerreiro, had to live alone.æBecause Mom never learned to drive, she came to depend heavily on Mr. and Mrs. Tanaka to pick her prescriptions up and even do her shopping.æIt was routine for Mrs. Tanaka (Haruko) to call Mom every Sunday evening to determine what Mom needed for the week.æI suspect that Mrs. Tanaka had long since figured out my mother's wants and even knew when things were needed.æ Mrs. Tanaka,æor "Mrs. T" as we would like to call her, would keep a running tab so that Mom could pay once a month.

As helpful as it was to us for the Tanakas to run Mom's errands, we valued even more the watchful eye they had for my mother's well-being.æThe many hours spent checking on Mom and keeping her company helped to develop an unlikely friendship between a quiet, little Japanese woman and a gregarious Portuguese woman.æThey worked through their cultural and personal differences with simple logic and discovered they were more similar than not.æ

Mrs. Tanaka learned some Portuguese words and frequently included them in her vocabulary. She even earned a Portuguese nickname.æShe bore it proudly, even though her nickname, loosely translated, meant a fast-moving ant.æAn outsider might consider the name strange, but Mrs. T understood that it was given to her in affection and largely in great admiration. Mom marveled how quickly her little legs would transport her back and forth between our homes on her numerous daily missions.

Both women were deeply religious, but they discovered common ground in their fundamentally different faiths.æMom is a candle-burning Roman Catholic with a strong devotion to the Infant of Prague.æMrs. Tanaka saw my mother's altar with the statue of the infant and the burning candle as very similar to her own Buddhist altar with burning incense.æ

They discussed their religions' differences and concluded that there is only one God; they were just calling him by different names.æAlways pragmatic, they agreed that should this not be the case; they were satisfied to have ingratiated themselves with each other's Supreme Being. Consequently, Mrs. Tanaka would contribute the roses she grew but could not put on her own altar because of their thorns, and Mom gave rice for Mrs. Tanaka to place at her altar for her morning devotions.

As their friendship grew, so did their genuine affection for each other.æIt wasn't difficult for their friendship to filter down into our hearts as well.æA visit home would not be complete without seeing Mrs. Tanaka.

Mr. Tanaka passed away a few years ago.æThe two ladies, in their common widowhood, became even closer.æUnfortunately, Mom's health and mobility failed, and she had to move away.æNot long after, Mrs. T suffered several strokes, weakening her once-able legs.æBoth women found themselves in their children's care.æThey continued their friendship with regular phone calls.æ

I think of Mom and Mrs. Tanaka whenever the question of how it is possible for people of differing cultures able to live harmoniously together is posed.æIt really was quite simple: one friendship at a time.

Gina Loveland lives in Wahiawa Heights and her mother, Cecilia, now lives with her, as well.