Posted on: Sunday, May 27, 2001

Wedding Diary
To-do list shrinks, but bills grow

By Connie Soga and Bret Moore

Wedding Diary is a column by Nu'uanu residents Connie Soga, 30, and Bret Moore, 27. The periodic column is tracking the couple's progress as they near their Nov. 3 wedding at the Sheraton Waikiki.

Connie Soga and Bret Moore share a moment among a few of the many floral wedding decorations crowding their Nu'uanu apartment. Deborah Booker • The Honolulu Advertiser

During this past month, we kicked it into high gear and got a lot done with the help of our friends, families and 'Ohana readers.

Connie

• Accomplishments: The month can be summed up with one word: "Cha-ching!" Maybe that's two words, but this was the month we knocked out a lot of our bigger expenses. While stressful, we are relieved to be over them!

One of my bridesmaids is making all of my wedding florals. Everything — centerpieces, archway decorations, chair decorations, head-table flowers, bouquets and men's flowers. It's a huge responsibility, especially for someone who is in the wedding. I am lucky and very happy to have such a talented person in my wedding party. I'm also excited that my decorations will be different from everyone else's because of her personal touch. Together, we have had many weekend trips to the craft stores and florists. I am glad that 80 percent of this is paid for and done with.

We've also chosen our photographer — a very sensitive and important decision that took us four weeks to finalize. We chose Stefanie Riedel because she specializes in the type of journalistic photography that Bret and I wanted. She shoots only one wedding a day, so we were lucky that she was available on Nov. 3.

In the past month we also selected and ordered our wedding invitations, response cards and envelopes from The Paperie in Kahala Mall.

• Things to do: We have no shame in admitting we need help! We are still looking for a slide-show vendor, a seamstress, a wholesale florist, storage boxes for our centerpieces and a rehearsal-dinner location. And there are many other things we need.

• Finds and flops: I am discovering some do's and don'ts by going to other people's weddings. For some reason, a lot of our friends and co-workers are getting married this year. It's only May, and Bret and I have been to five weddings already. Every bride-to-be takes notes before her wedding. You'd be stupid not to.

When we go to a wedding as guests, Bret gets really annoyed if nobody seems to know what is going on. He also hates that large gap of time between the ceremony and the reception, when the entire bridal party disappears for photos; and the fact that the guests often don't know where to go after the ceremony ends. So, we have learned how to avoid having those things happen at our wedding.

On the flip side, we've been to some great weddings; one recent one was for our friends Eric and Angela Yamashita. Their wedding was perfect. Everything started on time, the reception went smoothly, and they didn't miss a beat. That's how we want our wedding to be.

• Lessons learned: Men don't care about certain aspects of the wedding. Bret doesn't care about the length of my wedding dress or the type of candles we buy, and he doesn't know (or care) what the difference is between pikake and stefanotis. When we were picking our invitations, Bret could tolerate looking through only so many catalogs, styles, colors, wordings, etc. It was a bigger deal to me, so I did most of the looking and narrowed it down to five, and he agreed to the final choice. I'm finding that sometimes this is a better way to get his input.

Another thing I learned this month was how to choose a good wedding photographer.

When you go to something like a bridal expo, it's hard to pick because all the photographers are displaying their best work. You won't find a bad photographer or a bad photo. So, skip the displays on the wall and ask the photographer to show you an entire wedding album from a wedding they shot. That will give you a better idea of how this photographer shoots on a consistent level, through a whole wedding. It also gives you a better idea of what type of photos you can expect to take home in an album. When you see one great photo from one wedding and one great photo from another wedding, that doesn't show you same-day consistency.

You should also spend some time talking with the actual photographer who is going to shoot your wedding. Since he or she is going to be spending a great deal of your wedding day with you, you want to make sure it's a person that you can get along with.

When we selected Stefanie, Bret and I talked to her for a while at the expo and a few more times afterwards. We love her and we get along great! She always called us back, returned our e-mails and spoke to us in detail, and we got the feeling that she had great pride and ownership of her work. If the photographer doesn't seem as excited about your wedding as you are, you've got the wrong photographer. He or she should care and feel for your wedding as if it were their own.

Bret

• Accomplishments: I was able to finally book hotel reservations for my side of the family this month. Trying to get all the schedules married up was not a easy task. I still have a few more hotel rooms to book as soon as I get arrival dates from the rest of my family.

I have narrowed down what I am going to get the groomsmen for their gifts, and I am going to purchase unique gifts for the fathers.

This month, we turned in our origami cranes and a 50-percent deposit to It's About Time (the business framing the cranes). I picked the design about three months ago at a wedding expo.

All of the above-mentioned things required a deposit. Everyone under the sun wants the money, and they want it now. On the down side, if we wait any longer, we run the risk of not getting what we want.

We also secured the pastor who will tie the knot. Connie and I attend New Hope, and the senior pastor, Wayne Cordeiro, will be the officiant. We have already corresponded many times with Pastor Wayne. We are also attending pre-marriage classes so Connie and I can learn how to avoid wanting to kill each other (grin).

• Things to do: The big "unaccomplishment" is securing a videographer. Everyone we have talked to so far is already booked for Nov. 3. I think I would do a great job, but Connie kind of wants me to be around her through the ceremony. The search continues for a videographer who can do a slide show and ceremony highlights.

I have yet to get the tuxedos squared away. We are looking into a few places where we have some friends that work. But because of my working two jobs, finding the time is very difficult. This is my next major step in the coming months.

Making money is the next "to do"; if anyone knows where the tree that grows money is (the one my Dad told me about), let me know! The biggest thing left undone is the remainder of the payments, which are set to be paid at the end of summer.

• Finds and flops: I have been talking to friends who are married and asking what they did in their ceremonies, and I've got some pretty good ideas (Connie would tend to disagree). Many of the promotional gift catalogs that come through our places of work have some pretty good gift ideas and things.

With one of Connie's bridesmaids making the floral arrangements, we have some serious storage space challenges. Our spare bedroom is like a bridal warehouse.

If you happen to have animals (cats, to be specific), know that they will open sliding doors and find the paper, ribbons and bows. I have found they really love chewing on origami paper. I have had to fold about seven new cranes, since six of them have met a less than honorable death at the paws of our cat.

• Lessons learned: The best lesson I can tell anyone from this experience is that, guys, if you are going to propose, make sure you have some sort of a nest egg saved up. Everyone will want a deposit ASAP, and if you don't pay you will run the risk of losing your pick of vendors and dates.

Another lesson we are continuing to learn is the importance of getting everything paid for and lined up in advance. If you can get it all signed and paid for about two months before the wedding, as Connie and I are planning, you will be able to handle those last-minute disasters with much less stress. This will also allow you to start saving again for when your family comes in, if you have some coming. Because as anyone with family on the Mainland knows, you will, whether you like it or not, play tour guide.