Difficult to prepare the uninitiated for local grinds

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

The nice lady from Sacramento wanted to know where to eat in Lihu'e. Not the touristy places, she specified. Not the restaurants with the big glossy ads in the in-flight magazines. Those were fine, she said, but she wanted to know where the locals eat.

I weighed my answer.

Of course, the first thought was of Hamura's, but how do you prepare the uninitiated for the experience of Kaua'i's favorite saimin stand?

Just finding the place is a trick the first time around. It requires the classic local-style directions that mention landmarks that aren't there anymore. Go down Rice Street past the old County building and turn by where Kress store used to be. If you end up by where used to have Yoneji store, you went too far.

I felt obligated to tell her what happens when you walk into Hamura's. Everybody in the place turns and stares at you. Everybody. The screen doors creak, so there's no sneaking in unnoticed, and whether it's your first time there or your fifth time this week, everybody turns and looks.

It's not a bad thing, I explained. It's a Hamura's thing. It's a Kaua'i thing. This is a small island, and there's always a pretty good chance you know the person who's coming in.

Folks turn to look so they can say howzit if they know you, or just smile politely and get back to their noodles if they don't.

"So they have noodles there?" she asked.

The best, I answered.

"And what else?"

Uh, well, that's about it. Regular saimin, saimin with vegetables, saimin with won ton, saimin with tempura shrimp, and saimin deluxe, with all of the above.

"Just noodles?"

Well, Hamura's also has barbeque chicken sticks, barbeque beef sticks and lilikoi chiffon pie. Oh, and Chinese pretzels. Not an extensive menu, but guarantee you won't leave hungry.

She didn't look impressed.

I debated how much more to divulge. I thought about mentioning the prominent sign that says "Please do not stick gum underneath the counter!" and how that sign seems to have inspired the exact opposite reaction than was intended. If you sneak a look under the counter, you see thousands of pieces of gum, a rainbow of defiant lumps that live in the shadows like 'opihi under a rock.

I thought about telling her about the one bathroom that serves both genders, with it's wonderfully misspelled graffiti and the pukas in the wall that make you wonder if they appeared accidentally over time or by the work of a nefarious hand.

I thought to point out the beautiful skin of all the workers there, how their complexions are smooth and clear from hours of standing over the oily steam.

I wanted to mention how cute the huge men look perched on the tiny stools. Their jade rings clink against the bottle as they pour chili pepper water over the soup. The big guys are always there because they work at the security company next door. They look especially darling when they end up sitting next to a little kid whose rubber slippers don't even touch the floor.

But in end, I said what everybody says when they're trying to sum up the experience that is Hamura's: "Good, the saimin. Ono."

I hope she checked it out.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.