Miners had no answers, but we do
By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Staff Writer
Several callers from the Mainland to The Advertiser sports department yesterday wondered about the accuracy of the University of Hawai'i's reported 66-7 victory over Texas-El Paso.
So, to try and help make sense of the Warriors' most-lopsided victory over a Division I-A team (pending UTEP's recertification, that is), the Answerman is here to help provide insight.
Q: What does UTEP stand for anyway?
A: After Saturday's game, a lot of people think it once again means University of Texas at El Intercepted Paso.
Q: Were there any major problems with the Aloha Stadium bag searches?
A: Yes, UTEP officials bitterly complained they weren't allowed to bring a quarterback into the stadium.
Q: Some people think the Warriors ran up the score on the Miners. Where do you think they got that idea?
A: Possibly from the advertisement read over the stadium P.A. system that kept blaring a "run up the score" promotion every time UH scored.
Q: After his great touchdown effort, what are the chances slotback Chad Owens will be rewarded with a scholarship?
A: If the football team doesn't come through with one, the diving team undoubtedly will.
Q: Dick Tomey said on TV that Owens shouldn't have been penalized for his headlong dive into the end zone. What do you think?
A: Considering the difficulty of the dive, he deserved at least a 9.2.
Q: Is it his teammates' selfish urge to show off that is causing Justin Ayat to have to kick those 40-yard extra points?
A: Hardly. His teammates' unselfish willingness to take penalties after they score is their way of assuring Ayat will have more opportunities to practice long field-goal attempts.
Q: If his grandfather is Bum Phillips and his father Wade Phillips, then who was it that taught UTEP quarterback Wesley Phillips to throw?
A: Mackenzie Phillips.
Q: Where did they get those white ponchos that were handed out at the game?
A: KKK Surplus.
Q: With the Miners already down 31-0 early in the second period, UTEP coach Gary Nord drew his team around him on the sidelines to try and rally them with a speech. What did he say?
A: Whatever it was, he should forget about using it at halftime anytime soon.
