You can do anything better

Have you ever wished that you had the sheer determination of a world-class athlete or the composure of a first-rate trial attorney? Well, you can. We asked everyday experts — those whose lives and jobs depend on their know-how and savvy — to share their insights and show you how to achieve a healthier mind, body and spirit. Here, how to...

• Stay cool under pressure

Kathleen Clem, M.D., chief of emergency medicine at Duke University in Durham, N.C.:

"Things can get really crazy in a trauma center. What keeps me calm is simply having faith that everything will work out. My philosophy is: Where I am now is where I'm supposed to be. I tune out everything and focus. If I get interrupted, I calmly say, 'That's a good question, please come back and see me in 10 minutes,' or however much time I need to finish the task at hand. Another trick I use is to see the fast pace as a challenge. Then, keeping everything straight becomes like a game."

• Be strong when things get rough

Kristine Lilly, a member of the U.S. National Soccer Team and the Boston Breakers:

"Being involved in competitive sports often means coping with a lot of pressure and getting past disappointment. The key is to realize you really do have a choice about how you view a tough situation. Staying strong mentally means forgetting about the little hassles and moving on. If you get distracted, it's harder to get past whatever real problem you're facing. Ultimately, it blocks you from achieving your goal. Don't let fear of failure hold you back either. It helps to remind yourself that even if things don't go your way, you'll feel better if you've given 100 percent."

• Avoid catching a bad mood

Karen Shanor, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who practices in Washington, D.C., and author of "The Emerging Mind" (Renaissance St. Martin's Press, 2000):

"Give yourself time for personal renewal every day. Read for pleasure, meditate, exercise — whatever makes you feel refreshed. Then you'll be able to draw on your inner calm and strength if you're with someone who's feeling crabby or complaining. In that situation, acknowledge that you've heard her gripe, then try to take her to a better place by pointing out something that's right in the world. If that doesn't work, or you're dealing with someone who draws too much energy from you, imagine you have an invisible Lucite shield surrounding you. That way, whatever negative vibes the person sends out — anger, depression or agitation — won't get to you."

• Tell someone off without getting angry

Susan Meadows, deputy attorney general and an administrative trials attorney in San Francisco:

"The last thing you want to do is lash out or be sarcastic; that just puts the other person on the defensive and you won't get the result you're looking for. Plus, it makes you look bad. When someone makes you angry, stay cool and take a deep breath. Lower your voice, speak calmly, slowly and firmly and spell out the options. If you feel that tempers are flaring or things are on the verge of spinning out of control in a conversation, meeting or negotiation, suggest taking a break."

• Be self-assured in an intimidating environment

Bonnie Bernstein, a CBS sportscaster covering the NFL and men's college basketball:

"Knowledge is power: Do your homework and overprepare for everything. I constantly read up on the teams and players I'm covering. If you want people to take you seriously, you need to speak their language and be comfortable using the technical terminology. Make it clear that they don't need to dumb down what they're saying and they'll respect you more."

• Remain hopeful in the face of hardship

Jerri Nielsen, M.D., who was part of a scientific team at the South Pole when she discovered and treated her own breast cancer. She recounts her story in "Ice Bound: A Doctor's Incredible Battle for Survival at the South Pole" (Talk Miramax Books, 2001):

"I had to live with the hand I had been dealt. I maintained hope by focusing on positive experiences from the past and present. I made a point to stay involved in what was going on a daily basis. I was in a wonderful place with great people — and I wanted to experience that to the fullest."

• Forgive

Walter Everett, a pastor of the United Methodist Church of Hartford in Connecticut. His son was murdered in 1987, and Everett ultimately forgave and corresponded with the man who killed him. Now, he's a member of the board of Murder Victims Families for Reconciliation:

"Forgiveness isn't about forgetting or letting the person who has wronged you off the hook. Instead, it's an ability to let go so you can start healing. The alternative to forgiveness is anger, which has the power to destroy you but does nothing to the other person or change what has happened. At first, I had to say 'I forgive you' as an act of will rather than an act of feeling. But after I did that, the healing really did begin."

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