Our Honolulu
Facing the past takes courage

By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

Personal tragedies in our own neighborhoods that we aren't even aware of can be as devastating as national catastrophes that make headlines, and require as much bravery to overcome.

That's why Sarah Horimoto wouldn't have told me her story if her husband and three grown daughters hadn't ganged up on her: "Go ahead, Mom, it'll help somebody else."

Sarah isn't her real name because she had a baby when she was a junior in high school about 30 years ago. Except for names, this story is true.

Sarah's first-generation grandparents brought her up in Kalihi speaking Japanese. Her grandfather was a samisen master, her grandmother a priestess. Sarah was an honor student, secretary and treasurer of her class.

At Palama Gakuen Japanese Language School, she met and liked Cliff, one of the boys in their group. They belonged to clubs and did things together. But they lost touch with each other when they went to different high schools.

She got pregnant while she was dating Melvin, a few years older, and her life became difficult. Too young to marry, Sarah quit school, had the baby, Mark, and went to live with Melvin's parents, expecting that he would marry her when they were old enough.

But Melvin's mother refused to acknowledge such a marriage. Sarah overheard her talking to a friend, saying that she would annul the marriage and raise the baby herself.

So Sarah took Mark, seven months, to live with her grandparents, expecting Melvin to follow. But he didn't. He stayed with his mother.

Sarah went back to school and got a part-time job. She couldn't afford a baby-sitter and her elderly grandparents weren't up to the job when Mark reached the terrible-twos. It was a Catch 22. Unless she worked, she couldn't support him. But she couldn't work and care for him, too.

One of Sarah's friends had been in the same fix. A female doctor knew a couple who wanted to adopt a baby.

Sarah's friend had given up her baby. The doctor knew of a couple who had adopted a little girl but also wanted a boy. They were Japanese, financially secure.

Sarah said it was the hardest decision of her life to do what was best for Mark. She dressed him in a new outfit, packed his baby book and took him to the doctor. She made up her mind never to talk about it.

Not long after that, she stopped at a filling station for gas and there was Cliff from language school. They became inseparable. Only once, before they married, did he ask her about the baby. They never talked about it again. They had three daughters. Sarah stayed home, volunteered at school, became a den mother.

She taught school part-time, then got a good job in real estate. One day the phone rang. An auntie said Mark wanted to meet her. She said, "No, I don't want to," put down the phone and cried.

(Wednesday: Why Sarah changed her mind.)

Bob Krauss can be reached at 525-8073.