Our Honolulu
Digging up the past, betting on the future

By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

The painful emotions Sarah Horimoto felt when she gave up her 2-year-old son for adoption 30 years ago made her refuse to see him as an adult when he wanted to meet his natural mother.

She told me her story to help other mothers decide whether it is best to bury the past or to forge a new link with the future.

The names in this story are not real — everything else is. Sarah had her baby in high school and later married, had three daughters and launched a successful career. One day an auntie called and said, Mark, her son, wanted to meet her.

She said, "No, I don't want to," and burst out crying. Her husband, Cliff, said she was inconsolable.

Only once, before their marriage, had they talked about the baby. Cliff said it was nobody's business. Childhood friends, now neighbors, knew. After all, Honolulu was a small place 30 years ago. As if by unwritten law, the subject was never mentioned.

By this time, Sarah had become the branch manager of a large real estate firm. Her daughters were never told they had a stepbrother, although the family was very close. Aunts and uncles knew. They didn't talk about it.

Cliff said he was surprised by his wife's refusal to see Mark. But he understood. She said if she saw him she wouldn't be able to let him go. With the girls, she's very possessive. "We always took the girls along when we went on trips," she said. "If Mark went out of my life again, it would be tragic."

Then she began to have doubts. Sarah heard from the auntie that Mark, on the Mainland, was hurt by her rejection. He wanted to hurt her back.

Sarah said she went to Kona, the family's vacation retreat, to think. A friend said, "It's time you told the girls about Mark." So Sarah called the family to Kona. They gathered in a hotel room after the plane carrying the last of them had arrived from Honolulu.

"I was crying," said Sarah. "I could hardly talk. I just blurted out, 'You have a brother.' "

They all lighted up.

"Why didn't anybody tell us?" said one. "We've always wanted a brother. Let's find him." First thing in the morning, they got on the Internet and searched. No luck.

Sarah ended up having to get Mark's phone number from his father, who had never married. Very nervous, Sarah called her son and told him she wanted him to meet the girls. The next day, her daughters each talked for half an hour with their new brother.

Mark came to visit on Thanksgiving. He said, "I wanted to find you, but I didn't realize I had a whole family. It's wonderful."

Sarah said her son plays the violin as she does and is going into law, which is what she wanted to do.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-8073.