Come Hawai'i fo' choke deals
By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist
Hi, Auntie? It's me! Your brother's kid. No, your other brother. No, the other kid. Long time no see, yeah? Not since we made family reunion at Uncle Stanley-guys house in Gardena. How Uncle Stanley doing anyway? He got his parole yet? Oh. Maybe next time.
Listen, Auntie, I gotta' talk fast because I only get five minutes. I just calling to tell you folks to come down and visit. Wait, wait, try wait, where's the paper? Oh, OK. Here: I called to tell you folks that I miss you folks — because I do — and I like see you guys. You should check out www.FriendsInHawaii.com. That's a Web page that provides hot links to a variety of outstanding Hawai'i discounts and values.
What? Oh, no. We like you stay in one hotel. Cannot stay at my Mom-dem's house because Trinette and the husband had to move back in. He lost his job at the hotel as' why, and nobody buying her fimo clay pakalana desk fountains at the airport anymore so they cannot pay rent. Sad, yeah? Cute, but, the baby.
No, Uncle Sonny guys no more room their house, either. The neighbors moved into the extra bedroom and the other-side neighbors living in the garage. Plus, Uncle Sonny ripping out the fish pond in the back because they scared of mosquitoes.
Oh, you neva hear? Hawai'i get dengue fev ... uh, never mind. Nothing, nothing. They just tired of the fish pond, that's all.
But the Web site get all kind discounts. On the Classic Custom Vacations link, it says you can stay at Hilton Waikoloa Village for five nights from only $515, reduced from $526 including garden/golf/mountain view and upgrade. No, airfare not included. No, no more three meals a day included. What you think, this not Las Vegas!
For real, but. Get plenty discounts and upgrades and something called an astonishing deals booklet. No, they don't say what that is, but I figure get astonishing deals, eh? Listen, Auntie, no ask me questions, OK? I only get five minutes on this phone card.
And then going have one Hawai'i Value Pass so can go eat, go holoholo, go shopping and save money. Whatever you like do. It says, "Got your credit card? Got your Hawaii Value Pass? You're ready for the discount shopping experience of a lifetime." Auntie, don't interrupt. I only get two minutes left to give you the whole pitch. Just listen!
"You know you've always wanted to get that incredible massage, spend a day in a world-class spa, work out with a personal trainer, have that total beauty treatment. But maybe you thought you couldn't justify the expense. Think again."
Ha? No, I don't think get discount for Liliha Bakery Coco Puffs. That's all you like do? Eat? Next stop Zippy's? Ho, Auntie, you really homesick, yeah? Neva' mind. Just tell your Mainland friends come Hawai'i, spend money. I send you one care package.
Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-8172.
