What to tell kids about terrorism
• Teach children acceptance, tolerance
Advertiser Staff and News Services
"Mom, dad, why are we at war?"
As adults themselves struggle for an answer, parents and others who work with kids old enough to be aware of recent events grapple even harder with what to say to the children.
Kids will ask why because it is in their curious nature to do, says Paul Kettl, a Penn State University expert who has studied children and war.
Child development experts say it's nearly impossible to shield your children from knowing and wondering about the fighting. So encourage open discussion — at least as open as is appropriate for their age. It's important to let your kids know that they can always turn to you with questions. It's also important to reassure them honestly, saying such things as, "We love you and will always do our utmost to protect you."
"Be honest and tell them what's going on, but don't overwhelm them with details they don't understand," Kettl says.
He and other child development experts suggest responses like these to questions that children typically may ask.
Q. Why is it OK for the government to fight back if it's not OK for me to hit back in the school yard?
A. It's not good to hit in the school yard because there are always better ways to solve problems. What the president has tried to do is to talk things out through diplomatic or friendly means. Violence always is the last alternative. With terrorists, you're dealing with people who are not always as reasonable as your friends in the school yard. They are using violence and death as a way to traumatically get their point across.
Q. Why don't terrorists fight fair — letting you know they are going to target you before they bomb your buildings?
A. Psychologically, they use terror, which means they make everybody think they are a target. Since there are so few of them, they try to get as much attention as they can, so they attack population centers, and they do and say things to make us all feel we could be attacked.
Q. Why are we allowing kids like me from other countries to suffer and die when we attack them or their parents?
A. We are trying to hit only military targets, but we can never be absolutely sure that where we pinpoint is accurate. But the bottom line is that in every war, innocent people are killed. This is sad and wrong, and that's why war is the last resort.
Q. People I care about have been called to fight, but they don't even know anyone in Afghanistan or Pakistan. Why do they have to do it?
A. This is a good question. So far the only people who have been called to serve our country have been the ones who have volunteered. We are in their debt for their bravery.
By the way, all of us have a role in getting America through this crisis — even children. Children can be involved in raising money for the families of people killed in the September attacks. Children can help people who are worried about this — like grandparents or elderly neighbors.
Q. What's being done now?
A. As the bombs are being dropped, it makes it safer for the ground troops of the United States and its friends so that they can go in and try to find the terrorists. And all countries will be looking for terrorists at home. The fight against terrorism is likely to go on for a couple of years or more. The terrorists may try to hide, and it will take longer to find them.
Q. Am I in danger?
A. The fighting is very far away right now. It is true that some people are worried about terrorists activities in America. But the chances of anything happening to you are very, very slim.
