Family Matters
Reminding ourselves what really matters

By Ka'ohua Lucas

"That's not fair!" my 7-year-old shouted.

"What's not fair?" I asked.

"That my brother's pizza is bigger than mine," he whined.

"Look, your next slice can be the larger one," I said.

"What?" the older brother interrupted. "Mom, he has already had two pieces of pizza, and I only had one. So I should have the bigger slice."

"Listen, guys, quit complaining about the size of your pizza. Just be happy that you are alive and well."

Just three weeks ago I was urging my college-bound daughter to pack her belongings for school.

"Hey, those spaghetti-strap tops and jean shorts are not going to work in Washington's dead of winter. You need to put your book down and begin packing some warmer clothes."

"Mmmmf," she mumbled. "That's not fair. I have plenty of time to pack. Our flight doesn't leave for another 24 hours."

But these problems pale in importance when viewed in the light of Sept. 11, the day tragedy struck the nation.

The Pentagon, and the World Trade Center, New York's symbol of power and money, collapsed under a terrorist attack.

And many innocent lives were taken.

I was in Seattle at the time, helping my daughter get settled in her new college environment.

I was scheduled to leave for San Francisco for a few days of fun and frolic, but was told that all flights were canceled and that it was unknown when service would resume.

Every day I faithfully contacted the airline to see if there was a way I could reroute my ticket and leave on the nonstop to Honolulu.

I was anxious, and it was unsettling to be stuck 5,000 miles from home.

"I'm sorry but the ticket that you possess is a special-fare ticket, which does not allow for a reroute," the reservationist droned.

"Listen, in light of the national crisis, won't your airline make some kind of concession?" I pleaded.

"I'm sorry, the ticket you are holding is a special-fare ticket, which does not allow you to reroute."

I wanted to shout and scream, "That's not fair!"

But I stopped short.

How could I be so self-centered? Consumed with my own flight concerns, I had lost sight of what really mattered.

I sat for a moment thinking of the victims and their families.

• The 8-year old who lost his mother — one of the first rescue workers on the scene — when the south tower collapsed.
• The couple and their 3-year-old daughter aboard a flight that smashed into the skyscrapers.
• The brave single-mom flight attendant who left a grieving child.

And my soul ached.

From now on, if I should hear my children complain, "That's not fair," I'll be quick to remind them of the grievous loss so many families faced on Black Tuesday.

And I'll continue to remind my kids how fortunate we all are to be alive and well.

Oh yeah, that slice of pizza? Who cares how big it is?

Ka'ohua Lucas has an 18-year-old daughter and two sons, 11 and 7. She holds a master's degree in education curriculum and instruction, and works as an educational consultant on Hawaiian curriculum.

Lucas and fellow Hawai'i parent Lynne Wikoff take turns writing the Family Matters column. If you have comments, questions or suggestions for future topics, write: Family Matters, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.