You'd be foolish if you believe ...
By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist
You will know it is probably an April Fool's setup today if...
• The legislature says it not only wants to give Aloha Stadium to the University of Hawai'i but will throw in the airport, too.
• Mark Cuban says he's selling the Mavericks to run a Dairy Queen franchise.
• Notre Dame pleads to be allowed to join the Western Athletic Conference.
• The next athlete who signs a multi-million dollar contract says, "Yeah, it was all about the money."
• The NCAA issues an apology and says a computer error resulted in the Wahine not making the basketball tournament.
• Tim Hardaway becomes the commercial spokesman for Sony TV.
• Tim Chang asks to be moved to linebacker in the fall.
• The Montreal Expos announce a sellout.
• Hugh Yoshida says that, on second thought, he'd like to stay as UH athletic director.
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• Brigham Young University says it will rip up the grass at LaVell Edwards Stadium and put in artificial turf like Aloha Stadium has.
If Mark Cuban says he's selling the Mavericks to start a Dairy Queen, the announcement is sure to be an April Fool's setup.
• The Pac-10 offers UH a membership.
• The Basketball Hall of Fame asks Riley Wallace for a copy of the halftime speech he used in the Xavier game.
• If chosen as athletic director, Dick Tomey says UH will go back to running the ball on all first- and second-down plays.
• Dan Issel is named U.S. Ambassador to Mexico.
• Randy Moss wins the NFL Players Association's "100 Percent Award."
• The Sony Open announces cell phones will be permitted at Waialae Country Club for its next tournament.
• George O'Leary says he was a Rhodes Scholar.
• Keith Traylor quits the NFL to train for the Olympic sprints.
• Paula Jones and Tonya Harding are featured on the cover of Ring Magazine.
• Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French figure skating judge, fesses up.
• Kabul puts in a bid to play host to the Olympic Games.
• The NCAA disbands its investigative branch now that Jerry Tarkanian has retired.
• Alex Rodriguez hits up teammates for loans.
• The citizens of Cleveland begin an "Art Modell for Hall of Fame" campaign.
• The PGA announces golf carts for all its players.
• Somebody tries to convince you Mike Trapasso's blood pressure has dropped this season.
Ferd Lewis can be reached at 525-8044 or at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com.
