By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

Think you've had it rough this tax season? Feel like you've been banging your head against the tax code and are short of dollars? Well, consider the plight of some of the notables in the world of sports, the owners, coaches and stars, for whom the tax burdens — and bucks — can be even larger.

Imagine if you were on the receiving end of a letter from the Internal Revenue Service like:

Dear Riley Wallace
Coach, University of Hawai'i basketball

Congratulations on another fine season.

However, we must regretfully disallow the college tax credit you have claimed on your most recent return.

Even though you did beat the University of Tulsa all three games this season and four times in a row over two years, "owning" the Golden Hurricane in a basketball sense is not quite the same as claiming it as a dependent for tax purposes.

Dear June Jones
Coach, University of Hawai'i football

Thanks for a most enjoyable season, especially that blowout of Brigham Young.

We must, however, still reject your claim of $800,000 for deductible home improvements.

While Aloha Stadium was technically your "home" for nine games last season and no matter how intransigent the state might be on changing that AstroTurf rug any time soon, we cannot allow you to write off the installation of FieldTurf as a home repair.

Dear Mike Ilitch
Owner, Detroit Tigers

While we can appreciate your mounting frustration and continuing disappointment at the numerous setbacks experienced by your team to date, just having sportswriters declare the Tigers a disaster area does not automatically entitle you to a rebate on the entire $50 million payroll.

Dear Peter Angelos
Owner, Baltimore Orioles

Please be advised that you are unable to claim an equipment depreciation allowance for your team's bats until they have actually been used for hitting something.

In the future, submission of proof of a team batting average above .220 would be to your advantage.

Dear Luis Gonzalez
Outfielder, Arizona Diamondbacks

Please note that just because somebody is willing to pay $10,000 for a wad of your already-chewed gum in a fund-raiser, that doesn't mean we will allow you a $100,000 charity deduction for a pack of gum.

Dear Maurice Cheeks
Coach, Portland Trail Blazers

We can certainly empathize with your situation. But as deplorable as it may be that you are stuck with babysitting so many immature players, it still doesn't permit us to grant you the childcare tax credit you seek at this time.