Don't let 'Scorpion King' sting you at box office

By Marshall Fine
The (Westchester, N.Y.) Journal News

THE SCORPION KING (Rated PG-13 for violence, partial nudity) One and One-Half Stars (Poor-to-Fair). A warrior in ancient times must defeat a murderous warlord in a by-the-numbers adventure film for 10-year-olds that looks like a lengthy commercial for action figures. Starring The Rock, Michael Clarke Duncan, Kelly Hu. Directed by Chuck Russell. Universal Pictures, 95 minutes.

He's played by The Rock, the World Wrestling Federation champion whose real name is Dwayne Johnson.

The Scorpion King was introduced at the beginning of "The Mummy Returns" last summer, seen briefly before vanishing in a wave of computer-generated effects near the end. Here he takes center stage in the sort of "Conan the Barbarian" role that made another non-actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, a movie star as well.

Directed by Chuck Russell, "The Scorpion King" is as formulaic as this kind of big-budget action film can get. The trio of screenwriters (including Hollywood's hottest hack, Stephen Sommers) have cobbled together a blend of "Conan" and "Indiana Jones," with nonstop action and an endless army of diverse sidekicks. It's a paint-by-numbers movie for 10-year-olds made by grown men struggling to remember what it was like to be that age.

The Rock plays Mathayus, one of the last of the Akkadians. He's first seen rescuing his brother from northern barbarians. As they face off against a horde, the brother says, "Live free," to which Mathayus responds, "Die well."

Mathayus joins ragtag remnants of several other tribes to challenge the prevailing warlord, Memnon (Stephen Brand), who commands a massive army and is aided by a sorcerer.

Mathayus decides to kill the sorcerer who makes Memnon invincible. He infiltrates Memnon's stronghold, only to discover that the sorcerer is, in fact, a sorceress (Kelly Hu). She has the magical ability to keep her Jennifer Lopez-like garments from slipping off her breasts, which would cost the film its PG-13 rating.

Rather than kill her, he kidnaps her, only to discover that she has been a prisoner, forced by Memnon to use her intuitive powers to guide him in battle. Then he goes off to face Memnon and end his tyranny once and for all. Now there's a surprise.

There are lots of two-fisted beatdowns, with The Rock delivering convincing forearm smashes to other head cases, when he isn't waving a massive scimitar that deals lots of off-camera carnage (but no blood; PG-13, remember?).

There are numerous attempts at snappy banter between The Rock and his assorted hangers-on, which include the sorceress, a thief (Grant Heslov) who saves Mathayus' life, a scientist (Bernard Hill) who has learned the secret of gunpowder from the Chinese, a rival chieftain (Michael Clarke Duncan) and, of course, a little boy.

"The Scorpion King" seems less like a movie than a lengthy commercial for "Scorpion King" merchandise. Someone, after all, has to hawk those action figures.

Rated PG-13 for violence, partial nudity.