By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

So I'm stuck in standstill traffic, trying not to let my mind wander because that's dangerous, but hard, yeah? When you just wanna get home because you can't remember if you turned off the Mr. Coffee and your stream of consciousness has taken off like a raging river and you find yourself mulling over stupid stuff and looking around for anything interesting to keep you from nodding off and ...

Something shiny in the car next to me catches my eye. I look over, and it's an amazing array of trinkets hanging from the rearview mirror.

There must have been a medallion to represent every major world religion hanging from various cords, ribbons and chains. Or maybe they were swimming medals. Whatever it was, braddah was either well protected in his car or really fast in the pool.

I didn't want him to catch me staring, so I glance away to the car in front. That one had a bunch of stuff hanging from the rearview mirror, too! There was just about the same quantity of stuff, but the theme was different. It was more of a feathers-and-monkeypod craft-fair motif.

And then I notice the car on the other side ALSO has an impressive hanging rearview mirror collection! The driver was a young guy, and his theme seemed to be his girlfriend. There were photos in a plastic frame, a teddy bear clipped to one corner of the mirror, a scrunchie and a huge hanging heart-shaped thing that I imagine must have once been part of a prom centerpiece.

I start wondering what all this interior decorating is about. It's not like it makes your car go faster. It doesn't really make your wait in traffic shorter. It certainly doesn't make the trip safer.

As I sat there in traffic, pondering the significance of all the car adornments around me, the guy with the medals catches me staring. He smiles at me and says something. I can't quite make out what he's saying, so he says it again. I shake my head. He rolls down the window and yells at me, "Make fancy, yeah?"

Well, there's one I hadn't heard in a while. Quick translation for those who haven't spent much time on the Neighbor Islands: just for show.

And speaking of ...

The Department of Transportation is going to raise the speed limit on H-1 and H-3, this after all the exhausting talk surrounding the traffic cameras. It's funny that the traffic-camera program was meant to slow people down and it's one lasting effect will be increased speed limits.

But what's even more odd is that we're talking about an increase of 5 mph in two places: H-1 near Makakilo and H-3 near Halawa will go from 55 mph to 60 mph.

Not that it's going to get you there much faster. Not that it addresses the places where the limit has been most loudly criticized, like the 35 mph limit on the Pali headed downhill. Not that it's going to make anyone safer out there.

Make fancy, yeah?

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.