FAMILY MATTERS
Being ballet parent good way to meet people

By Michael C. DeMattos

It has finally happened, I have become a ballet parent. No, I do not dance with a local company; in fact I do not dance at all. I possess an anti-dance gene and so am left to sit, back against the wall, while others cut a rug. Still, I am into ballet. That's because my daughter is into ballet.

For the past year, she has been attending ballet classes, and she loves them. I do not know how or why she came to the decision that she wanted to dance ballet, but she did. I remember distinctly when she came home after school and announced that she was quitting kindergarten and attending ballet school instead.

To tell the truth, I have been eagerly anticipating becoming a ballet parent for a number of years. Well, maybe not a ballet parent exactly. I thought I would be a soccer parent, or a T-ball parent, but ballet works just as well.

My dream of becoming a ballet parent was born several years ago when one of my best friends and his family moved to Waimea, on the Big Island. We kept in close contact, but with three kids, he was pretty busy. It seemed he was always just returning from a baseball game. Although he was running himself ragged, it was clear that he loved supporting his kids. There were other benefits, too. Being a baseball dad helped him to make new friends and introduced him and his family to their new community. Best of all were the post-game barbecues. They sounded great.

I wanted in.

I had to wait a few years, but then it happened. My daughter began ballet and I, through no deed of my own, became a ballet parent. Membership into the parent club is simple: a demonstrated desire to be there for your child. It is the one thing we all have in common. Our children connect us.

As it turns out, I have yet to attend a ballet barbecue — something to do with fire codes, enclosed buildings and possible arrests. Instead, I sit just this side of the glass partition and watch my daughter as she runs, twirls and jumps. She dances and I wile away the hour in fluid conversation with my new friends.

I have formed some very close relationships. I have made one friend in particular that I am sure I will keep for life. He and his family have become part of our inner circle and I have ballet to thank. Still, most of my new "friends" are really just acquaintances.

I am known as my daughter's Daddy. That's OK. It signifies a simple truth about the moment for all of us and about life for many of us ballet parents. My world is not my own anymore, not completely. I live in a shared world defined not only by me, but also by my family and those around me.

She is not so much my daughter as I am her father, and somehow that just feels right.

I am the ballet parent, but she is the ballerina.

Michael C. DeMattos has a master's degree in social work. He is a family therapist, educator, trainer, storyteller and angler, and lives in Kane'ohe with his wife and 5-year-old daughter. Write to him at: Family Matters, Island Life, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.