By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

Perhaps you've seen the the recent headlines or just heard the gnashing of teeth at the University of Hawai'i athletic department — where, amid a record $1.5 million budget shortfall last fiscal year — there are concerns about the level of this year's funding.

There have been suggestions to raise ticket prices, sell more sponsorships or even try to get the students to accept an intercollegiate sports fee again.

But those ideas alone might not cover the $3 million to $4 million officials are looking for over the next couple of years.

So, to get the ball rolling, why not a fair or carnival?

Call it 'Bowfest or Warriorstock and turn Cooke Field into an event. I mean, how could the UH bank account miss with potential attractions like these:

• Dunking booth: Miss being able to boo Billy Tubbs? Like to wash that smug look off Brian Gimmillaro's face? Want to show Al Scates what you really think of his "plan?" Celebrities join mascots representing all the schools that have recently dropped out of football games with UH as targets for a day.

• Guess-the-age booth: People line up to try and figure out how old Dave Shoji really is.

• Celebrity or imposter contest: Try your luck at guessing whether it is really Samuel L. Jackson or athletic director Herman Frazier. Drew Carey or football assistant Mike Cavanaugh.

• House of Horrors: For a few terrifying minutes you are transformed into a defensive coordinator who must stop Rice's option offense; a ball carrier who suddenly sees Chris Brown appear in his face mask and a middle blocker with Lily Kahumoku and Kim Willoughby going up for the set. Not recommended for the timid.

• Contests of skill: Choose among several challenging booths. For example, sit in front of a real microphone and try getting in a word edge-wise with the radio basketball broadcast team. Or see if you can toss your coat as far as Riley Wallace.

• Prediction booth: Fans try to guess the date FieldTurf will actually be installed at Aloha Stadium. Serious competitors will want to go for the super bonus contest: estimating how much it will all finally cost.

• Math Bowl: Test your skills of computation against the people who oversaw UH's $1.5 million shortfall.

• Pizza-eating contest: Finish off more pizza than the UH offensive line and you eat free. But you're on your own for Alka-Seltzer.

• Know-your-athletes contest: Think you know all there is about your favorite player? The medical staff invites you to look at unlabeled X-rays and guess whose injuries they are.

• Sandwich artist competition: The Subway pitchman himself, Vantz Singletary, will judge this event.