ABOUT WOMEN
Having children is perhaps best left to the younger generation
By Christie Wilson
Advertiser Staff Writer
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I just spent an hour engrossed in AARP's Modern Maturity magazine.
Sorting through some of my late mother's mail, I began browsing the pages and was hooked.
Between the ads for hearing aids, osteoporosis pills and diabetes test kits, there was a series of articles to which I could relate. Bummer.
There was one on "Movies for grownups," another, "In-laws from Hell," that I'm sure my husband would love to read, and a list of the top 50 hospitals in America (none of which are in Hawai'i).
And how about these tidbits: The collective age of five-member boy band 'N Sync is 124. Forty percent of marriage proposals were made in the back of a car. And, making love for 1 hour and 11 minutes will burn 100 calories. (In the words of Austin Powers, "Yeah, baby!") So can pushing a grocery cart for 31 minutes.
In a section called "The Big Uh-oh," the magazine runs a list of celebrities marking birthdays. Mr. T and model/actress Isabella Rossellini both reached the Big 5-0; Paul McCartney and Beach Boy Brian Wilson turned 60; and Prunella Scales of "Fawlty Towers" fame hit 70.
The perverse feeling of glee one gets upon seeing these aging stars is fleeting, however, when you realize you have to be of a certain age to even know who they are. Bummer.
The most fascinating article in the issue was titled "Eggbeaters: Good news for older wannabe moms — It ain't ova til it's ova."
Using in-vitro fertilization, and someone else's egg, a growing number of postmenopausal women are having babies, the article said. A 62-year-old French woman last year became that country's oldest mother to deliver a child, a 56-year-old woman in England gave birth to twins, and women in Japan and India had babies at age 60.
Then there's the case of a 63-year-old woman who became a new mom and is getting childcare help from her 90-year-old mother.
Now, I try not to be too judgmental when it comes to people's private lives, but at some point we have to humble ourselves before nature's grand design.
Besides, it's a scientific fact: The older you get, the lower your tolerance for loud noises, sudden movement and repeated singing of "Little Rabbit Foo Foo."
I'm beginning to think 38 is too old to have kids. That's how old I was when I had my youngest, now 8. (Yeah, yeah, do the math — I'm 46.)
My biggest fear is that my son will hit puberty just as I'm going through "the change."
I'm a little envious of some of my friends who had kids when they were in their 20s and are now enjoying a second wind. Meanwhile, I'll be 60 when my son graduates from college and will be working to pay off the tuition loans for many years after that, when I should be taking cha-cha lessons at the Arcadia.
Still, there's no denying I get those stirrings when I see a baby. I want to sling that little poppet on my hip, pinch its chubby thighs and press my face against the back of its neck and inhale.
Nature has an answer for that, and it's not in-vitro fertilization. It's called grandkids.
And if you can't get your own, there are plenty of others around who need love.
