Posted on: Tuesday, August 20, 2002

ABOUT WOMEN
High-maintenance is getting what you want

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By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

The first time I heard the term "low maintenance," I thought it was flattering.

But nearly 10 years and a couple of boyfriends later, I've changed my mind.

I was eating lunch at the Campus Center with a bunch of friends, talking — OK, complaining — about our relationships, when the token male looked at me and shook his head.

"You know what you are?" he asked, trying to suppress a smile. "You're low-maintenance."

Low-maintenance, I thought. Sounds like I don't need my oil changed often.

"You know, you're just easy to please," he explained. Sensing my cynicism, he quickly added, "Don't worry, that's a good thing."

For whom?

Being labeled low-maintenance is more a problem than a compliment. The girls who don't ask for anything get nothing.

Sure, I see the lure for guys: Cheap dates. No need for flowers; she's not into that. No need for a $100 dinner; she doesn't mind eating at Tony Roma's.

But being low-maintenance doesn't mean guys only need aspire to that level of pleasing her. Girls shouldn't have to ask; guys — and this may be asking a lot — should just know to do something nice.

Of course, that's hardly ever the case.

Case in point: I have a very expensive girlfriend who has mastered getting exactly what she wants. It's how she walks, talks, dresses, even applies lipstick. Guys know: This girl isn't about the Zip Pac.

"It's all image," she said, smoothing out her glossed-out locks. "You think I wake up like this?"

No, she doesn't. In fact, it takes a lot of products in plastic bottles and spray cans to perfect her look. But it works.

I remember the first time we went to Tiffany's together. She dumped a box of earrings and bracelets on the counter.

"I'm getting them cleaned," she explained, noticing my blank stare at the silver hardware. She just smiled. "I don't shop here," she continued. "Boys do."

There's something to be said for being high-maintenance. Take it from a girl who thinks wearing lip gloss is dressing up.

High-maintenance women get dinners at places with valet parking. They get gifts that complete their expensive look. They get additions to their brand-name collections.

Not that girls like being called "high-maintenance." In fact, it's probably one of the worst insults you could dish, up there with "hormonal" and "psycho." But the ones who demand, get.

Think about your girlfriends. You know who collects Coach handbags. You know who swears by monthly facials. You know who wouldn't be caught dead in a dive, drinking beer straight from the bottle.

You know what they like, and you know what they want. So it's no surprise that you find yourself venturing into Neiman Marcus to find a birthday gift. They don't have to tell you; you just know.

High-maintenance, a liability? How difficult could a Prada bag be?

Reach Catherine E. Toth at ctoth@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-8533.