Posted on: Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Responses to marriage ad pouring in
By Karen S. Peterson
USA Today
Be careful what you wish for.
Publicly looking for love has turned into something of a "nightmare" for Robert Epstein, the editor-in-chief of Psychology Today who published a request in May for a woman to learn to love him and write a book with him about the process.
Arranged marriages are really not a bad idea, says Epstein, 49. One can learn to love a specific person and stand a better shot at happiness than someone relying on a "burst of passion," he says.
More than 1,000 women have responded — one with a $1,200 plane ticket and invitation to her private island to get acquainted, others with their Ph.D. theses that allegedly prove they can write. Two women from India suggested he pick them because they understand arranged marriages.
"I am overwhelmed by the reaction. This whole thing is a complete shock," Epstein says.
He also has not had a date in months. "I'm a busy guy to begin with, and this has just added 12 more layers" to his life.
The pressure is on to make a choice within weeks, not months. He needs a co-star as well as a co-author. The contract for a TV network reality series based on mindfully falling in love has already been signed. And a deal for a TV documentary on his search should be consummated within days.
The deluge of responses shows, he says, "there is a tremendous need" for a new way to look at love. His approach is so popular "because we are so very bad" at finding someone in today's meet market.
Although he says he is a serious guy, associated with the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies and with 11 books to his credit, all this came about almost on a whim. "This was just an idea that popped into my head," he says. A few days before the May/June issue of the magazine went to press, he replaced his editorial with a new one saying the belief that there is a one-and-only person with whom we will live happily ever after is a "myth."
He asked for a woman to date him exclusively for an agreed-upon time, go to couples counseling to get to know each other and consciously fall in love, with a book and possibly wedding bells in mind.
He is back with some further thoughts in a follow-up editorial in the magazine's September/October issue, now arriving on newsstands. "The strong interest that people are showing suggests that many in the Western world are fed up with our naive approach to love and romance and are desperate for viable alternatives," he writes. "Have I found one?"
He hopes that many newly met couples would sign a nonbinding agreement similar to the one he proposes, pledging to work toward several goals. Those include learning to communicate, express deep feelings, go to intensive couples counseling and read extensively about love. He and his chosen lady will write about their success story and how to duplicate it.
The project will include the advice of John Gray, author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," who has agreed to be a counselor for Epstein and his new love partner.
Presumably Epstein, who is divorced, will also write about how to include his four children, who live with him part time, in his experiment. He does not expect that to be "a major problem. They are very sweet kids."
